deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Illusion
Read the words
Don’t get caught up in the illusion
Everything has double meaning
We are all moving targets
In the cross hairs of confusion
It’s always opening night
We take centre stage
In the theatre of pain
The script has been written
We need only say the words
Feelings there’s no such thing
Just a numbness that spreads
There will be no resurrection for us
We are slowly dying under words
That set the course
We are walking into revolving doors
The spinning effigy of life
Here to send us nowhere
In the end all the words
Were the whispers of false hope
Don’t get caught up in the illusion
Everything has double meaning
We are all moving targets
In the cross hairs of confusion
It’s always opening night
We take centre stage
In the theatre of pain
The script has been written
We need only say the words
Feelings there’s no such thing
Just a numbness that spreads
There will be no resurrection for us
We are slowly dying under words
That set the course
We are walking into revolving doors
The spinning effigy of life
Here to send us nowhere
In the end all the words
Were the whispers of false hope
Published 14th Feb 2019
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The author is looking for friendly feedback.
7th Jul 2019 8:40pm
Hey, AspergerPoet56
Your linear structure is quite clear: the 5-line stanzas is called a Quintain, whether or not deliberately used. It is a great option for children who are just learning versification.
The rhyming structure is noncommittal -- which is NOT a fault. It starts off as ABCDB, which seems to initiate a pattern; however, the subsequent 3 stanzas are through-composed ones, carried along by near-rhymes and alliteration.
In terms of metaphoric import, the illusion is really a DELUSION, based on the literary ambiguities that take "centre stage" only to leave its audience gasping for meaning in a "nowhere" space.
Overall, a lovely concept, befitting an audience such as DUP readers, who major in words and should consider whether their writing represents "the sound and the fury" or carry messages and meanings that can move the world.
Well done!
cab
Your linear structure is quite clear: the 5-line stanzas is called a Quintain, whether or not deliberately used. It is a great option for children who are just learning versification.
The rhyming structure is noncommittal -- which is NOT a fault. It starts off as ABCDB, which seems to initiate a pattern; however, the subsequent 3 stanzas are through-composed ones, carried along by near-rhymes and alliteration.
In terms of metaphoric import, the illusion is really a DELUSION, based on the literary ambiguities that take "centre stage" only to leave its audience gasping for meaning in a "nowhere" space.
Overall, a lovely concept, befitting an audience such as DUP readers, who major in words and should consider whether their writing represents "the sound and the fury" or carry messages and meanings that can move the world.
Well done!
cab
