deepundergroundpoetry.com
I Love You
I love you Lauryn but I hate to admit it you say over and over you tell me I’m beautiful and I’m the only girl you love
But inside my soul is beaten and bloody and bruised I’ve known you for so many years you’ve broken how I see myself and how I see love why would you hate to admit you love me Isit shameful? Is there something wrong with me? Because people have taken my body and used it even if I begged them not to? Because I grew up in care constantly in different care homes ? We did drugs together we got drunk together I felt safe in your arms it felt like I finally was safe little did I know my soul was in danger but that cheeky grin and that you alright sweetheart drew me in and before I knew it I was caught up in your games it’s like you’re a spider I’m a fly and I’m stuck in your web and everytime i try to escape I’m really just entangling myself more and more until your darkness engulfs my being I stop struggling
You tell me to get some self respect and I’m a whore for doing what you tell me to do you tell me I’m a gold digger when you practically force me to take the money
Then you tell me I’m a mum now when it was you who told me you hated the fact I was pregnant because she wasn’t yours that you wanted me to be yours and us to be a family but it all comes down to sex the one thing I won’t give you because I know it would destroy my soul and you would have complete control Over me
And I can’t allow it you already crush me I can’t allow you to consume me even though it could possibly be magical the trauma afterwards that you would inflict I cannot allow I cannot become just another girl who gave it up to a boy who will destroy me
Because you are the darkness the monster under my bed you are the person who took the last shred of me and vaporised it for your amusement but still I’m just a girl who fell for your words and ignored your actions until our fates were entwined but never one
So don’t tell people my death is a tragedy or you wish I had confided in you because you A are the reason I cannot properly trust I cannot breathe I cannot hear the words I love you with dreading the pain that is yet to come. You’re the worst type of abuser because I never even saw you coming.
But inside my soul is beaten and bloody and bruised I’ve known you for so many years you’ve broken how I see myself and how I see love why would you hate to admit you love me Isit shameful? Is there something wrong with me? Because people have taken my body and used it even if I begged them not to? Because I grew up in care constantly in different care homes ? We did drugs together we got drunk together I felt safe in your arms it felt like I finally was safe little did I know my soul was in danger but that cheeky grin and that you alright sweetheart drew me in and before I knew it I was caught up in your games it’s like you’re a spider I’m a fly and I’m stuck in your web and everytime i try to escape I’m really just entangling myself more and more until your darkness engulfs my being I stop struggling
You tell me to get some self respect and I’m a whore for doing what you tell me to do you tell me I’m a gold digger when you practically force me to take the money
Then you tell me I’m a mum now when it was you who told me you hated the fact I was pregnant because she wasn’t yours that you wanted me to be yours and us to be a family but it all comes down to sex the one thing I won’t give you because I know it would destroy my soul and you would have complete control Over me
And I can’t allow it you already crush me I can’t allow you to consume me even though it could possibly be magical the trauma afterwards that you would inflict I cannot allow I cannot become just another girl who gave it up to a boy who will destroy me
Because you are the darkness the monster under my bed you are the person who took the last shred of me and vaporised it for your amusement but still I’m just a girl who fell for your words and ignored your actions until our fates were entwined but never one
So don’t tell people my death is a tragedy or you wish I had confided in you because you A are the reason I cannot properly trust I cannot breathe I cannot hear the words I love you with dreading the pain that is yet to come. You’re the worst type of abuser because I never even saw you coming.
Published 11th Feb 2019
| Edited 9th Dec 2021
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11th Feb 2019 4:28am
11th Feb 2019 4:42am
11th Feb 2019 3:49pm
Remember love can always happen with or without physical contact and can also be a motherfucka if it grabs a hold on you emotionally. Making you do and say things you know deep within yourself you would never do. But having a strong heart and mind will be your shining shield that will ease some heartaches. Depending on the level of your love.
