Forgiveness

I wake up in cold sweat my body shaking and trembling, I feel like the walls are closing in…. The pressure from the air escaping my lungs is compressing, I take fast gulping breaths not only my chest can feel… Feeling fits of overwhelming emotions, my psyche seems fractured from my past…. Past behavior has me losing my mind, to the point that the world is enclosing around me… My conscience is erupting like a volcanic explosion, can’t stop thinking as I’m putting things in perspective… I know I hurt you, I know I put a burden on you, on me, on us… I keep reasoning with my choices, reliving my memories over and over like dejavu… Do you hear that loud sound deafening the air, my faint heart now beats faster and faster… My mind is racing and I’m losing, the road ahead seems like a traffic jam… The metaphorical light shows red, my mind is speeding thru the intersection… Stop wait a minute my heart says, I think your over analyzing everything too much… I did you wrong, I did us wrong, but it’s not so bad right?.. We both came out of it better people, at least you came out right?... I’m so wrong for thinking when my conscious was eating me, feeding my thoughts the wrong things my belief was deceiving me… I get it now!.. I’m woke, the dream, the nightmares, its only reality if you let it become essence... I’m better than what I perceive myself to be, or am I?... I’m judging myself when only God can do that, God knows I’m not perfect no one is… All I can ask for is forgiveness, and be better, do better… So my public apologies to how my life turned out, I let my tears drown my sorrows but I float now… No life guard needed, well maybe one, maybe you… Save me from myself, cause God knows I need saving… You’re the best thing to happen to me, please don’t leave don’t go… I felt trapped in another world, but you saved me from own gravity… Funny how things look when you look in the mirror, is that really me?.. Yeah it is, always was, always will be… Thanks for accepting me for who I am, no apologies needed… Long road ahead, have to go but I’ll be back someday don’t miss me… Well maybe just little, goodbye!