deepundergroundpoetry.com
My Old Life
The Army's how i live my life
Im trained to shoot and kill
But what happens when this killing machine starts to grow a soul
I haven't been deployed as yet
So my hands are still so clean
But what happens when they send for me
And the boy you love is no more.
Im trained to shoot and kill
But what happens when this killing machine starts to grow a soul
I haven't been deployed as yet
So my hands are still so clean
But what happens when they send for me
And the boy you love is no more.
Published 2nd Jan 2019
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comments 6
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The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Jan 2019 00:09am
You change -- heart and mind and soul.........even Your spirit!!
While i severed in the USAF during peacetime, being on the <<Pick-Up-Dead_Body-Team>> (aka officially - Rescue and Recovery <-- my team never recovered people who were alive)
Staring at death via the eyes of the dying or dead changes You. & so, I think that if You had to pull a trigger / press a button and lots of human being died that would change You, as well.
Loved the beginning and middle -- the ending of Your spill i think needs work.
Maybe expansion and a " hook " ??
Anyways,
I hope You share more ink
While i severed in the USAF during peacetime, being on the <<Pick-Up-Dead_Body-Team>> (aka officially - Rescue and Recovery <-- my team never recovered people who were alive)
Staring at death via the eyes of the dying or dead changes You. & so, I think that if You had to pull a trigger / press a button and lots of human being died that would change You, as well.
Loved the beginning and middle -- the ending of Your spill i think needs work.
Maybe expansion and a " hook " ??
Anyways,
I hope You share more ink
3rd Jan 2019 00:29am
yeah i thought it needs more too still lokking for the right way to finish it
3rd Jan 2019 00:34am
Maybe repost this in the Group:
Poetry Medics
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/groups/poetry-medics/discussion/
and get some valuable feedback.
Poetry Medics
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/groups/poetry-medics/discussion/
and get some valuable feedback.
3rd Jan 2019 00:32am
Sounds like some serious cognitive dissonance you are experiencing here. A nice poem. Very expressive!
3rd Jan 2019 3:17am
8th Jan 2019 3:12pm
