Sunbeam

The air is crisp
and I am so cold
I wish the sun would shine down on me
but
right now
I suppose i'm just not worthy
of its warmth

I find myself often feeling this way
to be quite honest with you
sometimes I wish
I couldn't feel anything
that's impossible though
because I'll forever feel
too much
am I cursed?

why can't he understand
that I hurt
every time he changes his tone with me
looks at me
like i'm a foreign disease
tells me that I can't
and that I don't
love him
sun, shine down on me

i'm watching the lifeless leaves
fall in surrender
as he rakes them into groups
and I ask myself:
"what encourages the leaf to fall?"
and
"why don't the others fall with it?"
this is all too real
I want relief
I've decided
that we're not good
for each other