‘Twas the night of a massacre

‘Twas the night of a massacre when all through the house
Gun powder smoke rose from the intruders mouth
Skull fragments clung to the stockings with hair
The devil says kill, I ask who and where
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
No visions of sugar plums in bullet hole heads
Now mama in her kerchief, then I in my hat
I blasted her brain on the fireplace with a splat
When up on the roof there rose such a clatter
I went to the window to see what’s the matter
Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear
A miniature sleigh and eight rabid reindeer
A little elf driver just licking his lips
Drooling over the death of the late Saint Nick
And more rapid than vultures the reindeer all came
As he shouted, no Dasher, this one’s insane!
He came down the chimney just like Ol’ Clause
We locked eyes for a violent quick little pause
I narrowed my gun to that fucked little runt
Squeezing the trigger on my twelve gauge pump
Out to the snow I marched in my robe
Fumbling with shells as I quickly reload
And then, in a twinkling, I heard from the roof
The prancing and pawing of ravenous hoof
Without Santa the magic had stopped
Comet and Cupid were starting to rot
As I drew in the smell, and racked in a round
I took aim on the reindeer and shot them all down
I spoke not a word and headed to bed
But there was no corpse on the ground with no head
Santa was standing, wiping blood from his nose
And with the elf, up the chimney they rose
I heard him exclaim, as sirens came into sight
Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night