deepundergroundpoetry.com
Weeds Grow Over My Friend's Grave
Long after our black departure,
consumed by earth,
despite dreams of an immortal memory,
we’ll all be forgotten.
She has a poetic journal in her keeping,
immortalizing her words.
An archive of Gothic poetry,
holding her inner most desires
of adventure, sex, love and expressionism.
Metaphors possessing such precision,
sorrows channel into a time capsule,
buried within her being.
A single page entry,
could make a novel
of a thousand pages
written in vanity.
Kept out of sight from anyone
who persists to view its delicate words.
This record’s the gold kept locked,
button by button, within her being.
There’s no possible combination
to this safe,
as it is with the heart;
mind of the body,
where flesh to bone, bottom to upper lip,
can be locked as a secret forever;
dying with the keeper.
As her body succumbs and decays,
the words whither in thin air
to pure non-existence.
Her words will live on as an entity
in a deathless tomb.
consumed by earth,
despite dreams of an immortal memory,
we’ll all be forgotten.
She has a poetic journal in her keeping,
immortalizing her words.
An archive of Gothic poetry,
holding her inner most desires
of adventure, sex, love and expressionism.
Metaphors possessing such precision,
sorrows channel into a time capsule,
buried within her being.
A single page entry,
could make a novel
of a thousand pages
written in vanity.
Kept out of sight from anyone
who persists to view its delicate words.
This record’s the gold kept locked,
button by button, within her being.
There’s no possible combination
to this safe,
as it is with the heart;
mind of the body,
where flesh to bone, bottom to upper lip,
can be locked as a secret forever;
dying with the keeper.
As her body succumbs and decays,
the words whither in thin air
to pure non-existence.
Her words will live on as an entity
in a deathless tomb.
Published 28th Nov 2018
Author's Note
I wrote this poem to be part of my novel manuscript and possibly reinvent it into a short story about a girl whose an outcast turns to poetry to find happiness and somewhere within the short story she dies, however her words go on immortally. The theme being: thou art mortal.
Please check out my dark poetry website: www.gothicsurrealism.com
Please check out my dark poetry website: www.gothicsurrealism.com
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Anonymous
- Edited 28th Dec 2018 12:18pm
28th Dec 2018 12:17pm
Gothic, this is an excellent poem that is engaging from start to finish. It tells a unique story. It stays on topic.
And I think it is due in large part to you approaching it from a very focused intent to capture it in prose format and breathing poetry into it along the way where the metaphors are most apt and naturally fit like puzzle pieces.
Not to disparage other poems of yours, but I feel many of them are watered down with too much in the way of trying to be "too poetic" and the result becomes less focused in terms of communication with the reader.
You have more lengthy poems such as this, but they convey far less in the same amount of words because they are less focused. And thus because of their length, not having a clear message to hold onto causes the reader's attention to lose his or her grip on the entire poem.
I suggest as an exercise, taking some of those poems and writing them in the opposite manner. You have brief notes that summarize your inspiration for each.
Do the reverse by writing out the inspiration in an equally lengthy prose format ( like this one ). Then in the note field, summarize the experience in a brief poetic statement.
This will help condition you in two ways. One, regarding the prose or essay, keeping you focused communicating a clear story the reader can immediately grab hold of and maintain throughout. Two, regarding the notation, further focusing yourself into saying more in less words.
I hope this is useful advice for you.
And I know it sounds crazy, as if I am encouraging you to write prose instead of poetry. You are good writer and I feel this is the key to unlocking your potential to be an amazing poet.
And I think it is due in large part to you approaching it from a very focused intent to capture it in prose format and breathing poetry into it along the way where the metaphors are most apt and naturally fit like puzzle pieces.
Not to disparage other poems of yours, but I feel many of them are watered down with too much in the way of trying to be "too poetic" and the result becomes less focused in terms of communication with the reader.
You have more lengthy poems such as this, but they convey far less in the same amount of words because they are less focused. And thus because of their length, not having a clear message to hold onto causes the reader's attention to lose his or her grip on the entire poem.
I suggest as an exercise, taking some of those poems and writing them in the opposite manner. You have brief notes that summarize your inspiration for each.
Do the reverse by writing out the inspiration in an equally lengthy prose format ( like this one ). Then in the note field, summarize the experience in a brief poetic statement.
This will help condition you in two ways. One, regarding the prose or essay, keeping you focused communicating a clear story the reader can immediately grab hold of and maintain throughout. Two, regarding the notation, further focusing yourself into saying more in less words.
I hope this is useful advice for you.
And I know it sounds crazy, as if I am encouraging you to write prose instead of poetry. You are good writer and I feel this is the key to unlocking your potential to be an amazing poet.
28th Dec 2018 1:36pm
I completely agree with Johnny, Daniel. Excess drowns the emotional impact of the poem. It's akin to the spoken word barely heard because the musical accompaniment is too loud and overpowers it.
This poem is an exception to that.
This poem is an exception to that.
28th Dec 2018 12:33pm
Johnny I very much appreciate the feedback and I'm taking your advice seriously. I agree many of the other poems are watered down with being too poetic and should focus a bit more on the story of the poem. Great advice that I shall take. Thank you Johnny!
-Daniel
-Daniel
