deepundergroundpoetry.com
A bad day to be a writer.
Somedays,
whether you like it
or not,
you’re going to feel
a little more
like a writer.
It could be thirteen
minutes on hold
before booking
an appointment
or sitting in the waiting
room an hour later
watching and listening
to two kids running laps,
staring at the proud smiles
of the parents
who do nothing.
It could be being told
that you’re next appointment
is even earlier
and an hour drive away…
You have no car
Or picking up breakfast
on the way home
and standing behind
a young woman
wearing a skirt
that exposes the thighs.
It could be getting home
too tired to sleep again,
opening the fridge
and pulling out a beer
at 10:30.
It could be
any of these things,
but all of them
are sad and sorry
in comparison
to waiting in bed
for a midday
alarm clock.
whether you like it
or not,
you’re going to feel
a little more
like a writer.
It could be thirteen
minutes on hold
before booking
an appointment
or sitting in the waiting
room an hour later
watching and listening
to two kids running laps,
staring at the proud smiles
of the parents
who do nothing.
It could be being told
that you’re next appointment
is even earlier
and an hour drive away…
You have no car
Or picking up breakfast
on the way home
and standing behind
a young woman
wearing a skirt
that exposes the thighs.
It could be getting home
too tired to sleep again,
opening the fridge
and pulling out a beer
at 10:30.
It could be
any of these things,
but all of them
are sad and sorry
in comparison
to waiting in bed
for a midday
alarm clock.
Published 7th Nov 2011
| Edited 8th Nov 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 0
comments 7
reads 854
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
7th Nov 2011 1:11pm
I think you've offered a chilling vision
about how bleak our lives could be
in the simple and direct way I like
about how bleak our lives could be
in the simple and direct way I like
...but I suspect we both know that's not where your writing future may be.
To hold the flow & get out quicker a coupla tweaks to suggest James:
"and an hour's drive away
when you have no car
when you're waiting in bed
for a midday alarm clock"
Best ~ Abra
To hold the flow & get out quicker a coupla tweaks to suggest James:
"and an hour's drive away
when you have no car
when you're waiting in bed
for a midday alarm clock"
Best ~ Abra
7th Nov 2011 3:38pm
Anonymous
7th Nov 2011 6:15pm
A lyrical poem of drudgery and modern life. The doctor's waiting room I can empathise with. I loathe how parents let their children behave in such places. Your syntax is elegant and refined, something which once again saves the poem from maudlin self-pity. In other hands a piece like this could easily have been unbearable.
My one suggestion is that you capitalise "or" at the start of the fifth stanza. The previous line ran into it and tripped me up as I read.
Thanks for the read, Jamie.
My one suggestion is that you capitalise "or" at the start of the fifth stanza. The previous line ran into it and tripped me up as I read.
Thanks for the read, Jamie.
7th Nov 2011 8:35pm
i don't have much to say about this poem; only that i like the flow and the way it exposes the everyday life as it is.
keep it up!
keep it up!
11th Jan 2012 3:20pm
Panama
Everything that probably
needed to be said has
been said. Or may be not.
Bleak. Cinematic. Direct.
Hard.
It's a silent carnage if not
something else.
Loved it.
S'
Everything that probably
needed to be said has
been said. Or may be not.
Bleak. Cinematic. Direct.
Hard.
It's a silent carnage if not
something else.
Loved it.
S'
10th Mar 2012 1:23pm
I like the style.You convey pretty much most things I've experience and how as a poet we look at it and try to drink it in.
