step one: appreciate what you got { a first draft for an unfinished ode that is actually about me }

 
so i do,
for the warm and the dry
satiety and hunger
and for here
where i am some sort of free

you let me be who i am:
cruel and cold and hurting
a born liar, always scared
firmly on the edge
of any feeling

always ripping myself open just for spite
to scream and hate and ruin
but still so innocent

so unaware



you led me to find my strengths
and love my failings
you levelled your threats to my ego
messaged me at midnight
sweet nothings
bitter somethings


how i hated to say the wrong thing
i hated you to not consider me worthy
a barbed wire bundle of potential
ready to kick this bitch out of the park
and then set it on fucking fire

too good for you but not there yet;
talented but not trying
watchful but not observant

of life or its rules and regulations

and i'm grateful

and my fear is almost gone

and i hope as you look at me
you see me
and see that the good there
is something you made