Make It Stop

I feel like I'm falling apart again.

Everything blurring together in my head.

My heart is racing,

My soul is aching.

Am I a failure?

Wasting my life away on pointless endeavers.

Can I be normal for a minute,

And stop the screaming in my head.

Stop the shaking that is consuming me with dread.

The sleepless nights are getting worse.

They make it so that everyday I repeat the lines that I've rehearsed.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks for asking."

When they don't know the inner turmoil I am masking.

I just want to smile, and have it reach my eyes.

Not pretend that I'm alright.

I want to feel whole

And not feel like surviving the day is my only goal.

Please...

Make it stop.

I just want to be able to look in the mirror and not want to punch it.

because diet after diet,

Nothing changes.

Poem after poem,

you know that this is the only life that I have ever known...

Don't tell me it gets better

When every night I'm walking on a tight rope made of broken dreams,

No safety at the bottom to catch me.

And when you hear my silent screams...

You know I'm fighting a war.

"This will not be the end of me."

Facing my enemy.

Hiding in the canopy that shelters my madness.

One more fight.

I'll do it with all my might.

Just please make it stop.