deepundergroundpoetry.com
DON'T LOOK BACK
In the dark back corner of the upstairs
From which you can only barely
See the dance floor
We share our troubles
Your loveless marriage
Bound together
By your beautiful daughter
And obligation up the wazoo
My sudden separation from my wife
And the unbearable promise
I made that I wouldn't be here
In her final week
Because she's moving to San Francisco
She's giving me this whole town
And all she asks for is a social life
These final nights unhindered by me
But she didn't count on rain and here we are,
The stroll cancelled, you drinking your wine
And me telling you to risk it
Be independent, co-parent!
Because you shouldn't live this lie
In front of your daughter
She might be so damaged by it
That she ends up like my ex
Whose parents stuck together
Without love, without faith
In togetherness
And forever romance
And I know she's down there
Across the room
Dancing to one of our favorite bands
With all the friends I can't acknowledge
Be strong
I tell you
I don't want to see you
In this state
But here I am, unable to gaze
At the place in the universe
That holds the woman I married
Who loves me, whom I love still
We finish and I go down the stairs not looking
Exit quickly and walk down the street
Don't look back
Through those unforgiving windows
Is she wearing the outfit
I bought those earrings for
That I never got to see her in?
No way she'd never dance in those high heels
Oh love I miss you
As I experience you
From which you can only barely
See the dance floor
We share our troubles
Your loveless marriage
Bound together
By your beautiful daughter
And obligation up the wazoo
My sudden separation from my wife
And the unbearable promise
I made that I wouldn't be here
In her final week
Because she's moving to San Francisco
She's giving me this whole town
And all she asks for is a social life
These final nights unhindered by me
But she didn't count on rain and here we are,
The stroll cancelled, you drinking your wine
And me telling you to risk it
Be independent, co-parent!
Because you shouldn't live this lie
In front of your daughter
She might be so damaged by it
That she ends up like my ex
Whose parents stuck together
Without love, without faith
In togetherness
And forever romance
And I know she's down there
Across the room
Dancing to one of our favorite bands
With all the friends I can't acknowledge
Be strong
I tell you
I don't want to see you
In this state
But here I am, unable to gaze
At the place in the universe
That holds the woman I married
Who loves me, whom I love still
We finish and I go down the stairs not looking
Exit quickly and walk down the street
Don't look back
Through those unforgiving windows
Is she wearing the outfit
I bought those earrings for
That I never got to see her in?
No way she'd never dance in those high heels
Oh love I miss you
As I experience you
Published 12th Oct 2018
Author's Note
This is a re-working of a poem that I wrote close to 7 years ago. It's old title was "ZOLPIDEM MY TEMPORARY SUICIDE," which perhaps worked better for me but was probably too vague and unrelated to the rest of the poem for you.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 12
reads 514
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
12th Oct 2018 7:59pm
This is so sad. There is nothing harder than leaving someone you still love. It's like you have to leave or let them leave because it is the most loving thing left. I understand and yet it is gutwrenching.
12th Oct 2018 8:07pm
Yes. It broke me emotionally. I cried and in some ways have never stopped, as this new emotional rawness has gone from a bad thing to a good thing.
12th Oct 2018 8:20pm
Broken hearts are open hearts. I remember from my first divorce how much it hurt and at the same time how much of everything I felt. It's better than being numb and living like a zombie.
12th Oct 2018 8:27pm
13th Oct 2018 11:57am
Wonderful emoting/evoking ... made me feel it ... all of it ... great poeting ...
13th Oct 2018 12:34pm
14th Oct 2018 3:21am
14th Oct 2018 3:38am
Thank you. That means a lot to me because I was worried that it was only strong at the end.
9th Nov 2018 00:56am
9th Nov 2018 00:58am
9th Nov 2018 1:00am
9th Nov 2018 1:01am
