MS, Anger and me

I have gone from not understanding to disbelief, anger to frustration, dismay and upset and then back to anger. Not a trivial crossness, all tutting and pursed lips type of anger that a quick shake of the head and consignment to the metaphorical waste bin alleviates. Not the normal 'laugh it off' type that I could share with mates down the pub…… No, this is serious; nasty, bitter, acrid, black bile rising in the throat type of anger which is accompanied by an anguished scream flooding up from my very soul. An all-consuming primeval raging anger, leaving a naked fear welling up inside me; wracking my body with gut-wrenching sobs, a night of terror leaving me sweating, sick and desperate, my body trembling with anxious shallow breaths. Alone and afraid in the dark stillness wondering what new level of challenge to move, eat and drink this chill dawn will present me with. Am I angry? You bet I am.