Religious Thinking

I believe in God
But that doesn't necessarily mean
That I'm going to Heaven
I pray to him sometimes
But I don't feel welcome in his haven
Will he punish me for that?
For being a "Heathen", as everyone calls me
Will he not allow me into Heaven
Just because I can't go to church easily?
I can tell you nothing about the Bible
I have no clue who Matthew is
Or just about anyone for that matter
How am I supposed to teach my kids?
How will they feel
Whenever they can't come to their mother?
When I tell them
"I don't know, go ask your father"?
What if he doesn't know either?
I guess there's always Google
And maybe that's the reason
Why I don't take the time to learn anymore
Because the Internet is always by my side
Why I don't pay attention
To Gospel lyrics
Or the books about religion my Aunt buys
I wonder if he'll still accept me
Even after all of those lies
Or all of those times
When everything was so hard
And there was nothing better to do but cry
Or that one time
I said cuss words
While holding the Holy book
Do you think, that maybe past that, he could look?
I sure hope so
Because I'm scared of Hell
No matter how many times I've said
I vacation there
And "Yup, wish you well"
Mon petit chou is interested in Satanic things
And I wonder everyday
What kind of fate God will bring
For the one I'm praying
Will stay forever
And make me stronger, happier, better
I hope we end up in the same place
But if not
I'm sure Lucifer has much more space