deepundergroundpoetry.com
Not my Lie
Being told over and over again that there is freedom in letting go leaves me feeling inept again in life.
There is a space of void now that sends out a vibration to remind me of all I am not. All that I never was and how most of my love was spent on someone else’s lie.
The shadows still tease me, wanting me too take that leap of death. But I’m to numb to move. What do you do when your body is alive and your soul’s essence has been seared? I can’t go to the Dr., I’ve prayed so hard I have a spiritual hernia. Nothing takes away the ache. Not one prayer has taken away that moment.
.
Why am I invested in a lie? It never was real so I’ve been told. Yet those words hold no value to me. It’s this feeling, deep inside my heart that remembers your soul’s imprint with mine. I have to choice to live this life now by just standing still.
No one wins.
There is a space of void now that sends out a vibration to remind me of all I am not. All that I never was and how most of my love was spent on someone else’s lie.
The shadows still tease me, wanting me too take that leap of death. But I’m to numb to move. What do you do when your body is alive and your soul’s essence has been seared? I can’t go to the Dr., I’ve prayed so hard I have a spiritual hernia. Nothing takes away the ache. Not one prayer has taken away that moment.
.
Why am I invested in a lie? It never was real so I’ve been told. Yet those words hold no value to me. It’s this feeling, deep inside my heart that remembers your soul’s imprint with mine. I have to choice to live this life now by just standing still.
No one wins.
Published 23rd Sep 2018
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Anonymous
23rd Sep 2018 1:09pm
What choices do we have when our reality is considered someone else fantasy? We alone feel our pain. Prayers unanswered deepen our feelings of solitude. I feel the struggle and the desperate call out for someone to guide us out of our darkest times. Is anybody out there? J.
23rd Sep 2018 1:42pm
That's where the lie comes in. When their fantasy is delivered to another as a future...as a truth. I know there are many who support us all on the path of healing but the ache...the damn ache never leaves...xo
Anonymous
23rd Sep 2018 1:52pm
That's how we know we are alive. The pain reminds us how fragile we are and how much we hurt. We can win the moment, just like a soldier who gets injured bade in war. He survives but is scarred forever. Those scars are a sign of courage and victory. They same with our souls. We can survive but we will forever show our scars. They are not a sign of humiliation but of bravery and victory, because we have overcome them. Believe me, we can overcome. But we need to look beyond and be willing to fight because we are special. Hugs J.
23rd Sep 2018 1:53pm
Anonymous
23rd Sep 2018 1:54pm
❤️
23rd Sep 2018 5:30pm
It will move....let the impact be so you don't have to go through it again. It is now part of you. The pain will eventually subside and be replaced with appreciation for the lesson. I know because I have experienced this. I know it hurts bad when it happens.
24th Sep 2018 1:44am
Thank you for sharing with me. I just want to fist punch his gut just once lol.. ;) (kidding)...ahhhhh thank god for words..xo
26th Sep 2018 2:04am
Through our struggles we can be made strong. My battles always have me better on the other side but we must go through them. Everyone encounters trials and tribulations, my prayers are always for strength and i will say some for you. Father give your daughter Tracy the courage and strength to continue each day a little stronger and depart your wisdom on her so she can heal. With you all things are possible. we ask this in your name.amen
"ahhhhh thank god for words" keep on writing TL
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;
"ahhhhh thank god for words" keep on writing TL
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;
3rd Nov 2018 2:35am
13th Nov 2018 2:08pm
Oh my dear Lily!
this one truly is going to reign inside my heart for
day and even after
this is Sunsets sweetie...trying to breathe again
..but still here, aren't we?
<3
this one truly is going to reign inside my heart for
day and even after
this is Sunsets sweetie...trying to breathe again
..but still here, aren't we?
<3
13th Oct 2019 9:08pm
Dear T,
How well this piece pierces my heart and soul. Trying to cope with the fallout of turning into a cliche as the “wronged wife” and the mockery he’s made of it by his deceitful actions has been debilitating. And I, like you, tried the prayer route until my spiritual hernia blew up and into a mental hemorrhage.
But, one gets better at living beside it otherwise they win and I look like a proverbial old crone. Alas...whilst I have found this write sad, because it’s so on point, you have captured and penned this experience beautifully! It’s going to rattle around in my head for days that someone else had to know this nightmare and for that I am very sorry. At this time, I hope you have found your peace and moved forward. Sending virtual hugs. H 🌷
How well this piece pierces my heart and soul. Trying to cope with the fallout of turning into a cliche as the “wronged wife” and the mockery he’s made of it by his deceitful actions has been debilitating. And I, like you, tried the prayer route until my spiritual hernia blew up and into a mental hemorrhage.
But, one gets better at living beside it otherwise they win and I look like a proverbial old crone. Alas...whilst I have found this write sad, because it’s so on point, you have captured and penned this experience beautifully! It’s going to rattle around in my head for days that someone else had to know this nightmare and for that I am very sorry. At this time, I hope you have found your peace and moved forward. Sending virtual hugs. H 🌷
