deepundergroundpoetry.com
..and when they brought tanks to the streets
a man broke rank
stood because
he understood
freedom
is everything
and worth
trying for
dying for
standing firm
staring death
at point blank
be it a sniper's bullet
or a column
of tanks
Image Submitted Under Fair Use Act
original image location:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Tianasquare.jpg#filelinks
Published 6th Sep 2018
| Edited 7th Sep 2018
Author's Note
One instance amongst many...freedom, worth dying for
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tank_Man
Credit to Josh for his incredible help in the addition and edition of the S1!
Also to another DU Friend for her invaluable help in fixing the typo in the penultimate line!! :-)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tank_Man
Credit to Josh for his incredible help in the addition and edition of the S1!
Also to another DU Friend for her invaluable help in fixing the typo in the penultimate line!! :-)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 0
comments 8
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
6th Sep 2018 7:13pm
6th Sep 2018 7:25pm
in this instance there were....
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiananmen_Square_protests_of_1989
welcome your presence
and views on this Ange!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiananmen_Square_protests_of_1989
welcome your presence
and views on this Ange!
6th Sep 2018 7:49pm
An iconic picture that always gives me hope for the human race.
I think because the final 'crunch' word is a strong word phonetically, and the image is so strong too, the poem might benefit from a rhyming word near the beginning.
Off the top of my head hear's a suggestion changing the first stanza:
a man broke rank
stood because
he understood
freedom
is everything
To me the word 'rank' also alludes to the four tanks in a row (ie: in a column ranked 1/2/3/4) as well as the bravery of an individual 'breaking rank' with the status quo.
I think because the final 'crunch' word is a strong word phonetically, and the image is so strong too, the poem might benefit from a rhyming word near the beginning.
Off the top of my head hear's a suggestion changing the first stanza:
a man broke rank
stood because
he understood
freedom
is everything
To me the word 'rank' also alludes to the four tanks in a row (ie: in a column ranked 1/2/3/4) as well as the bravery of an individual 'breaking rank' with the status quo.
6th Sep 2018 7:55pm
welcome Josh!
welcome your presence
and honest and positive feedback!!
I thank you immensely for your insightful suggestion
and I am more than glad, to follow through
as it does makes sense
no words to express the gratitude!! Thank You!
and regarding the hope for human race... couldn't agree more!
though this particular movement was crushed with iron fist, history is witness, a cruel and unflinching witness.
welcome your presence
and honest and positive feedback!!
I thank you immensely for your insightful suggestion
and I am more than glad, to follow through
as it does makes sense
no words to express the gratitude!! Thank You!
and regarding the hope for human race... couldn't agree more!
though this particular movement was crushed with iron fist, history is witness, a cruel and unflinching witness.
6th Sep 2018 8:02pm
Glad my feed-back met a positive vibe. I'm always a bit hesitant on these things, wondering how much is mere 'personal opinion'. Your feed-back encourages me too.
The record of history is one thing (written by the winners - current growing number of revisionist-historians notwithstanding), and the witness to history is another - and one day the witnesses to history will be the ones who hold sway. (Akashic records maybe??)
The record of history is one thing (written by the winners - current growing number of revisionist-historians notwithstanding), and the witness to history is another - and one day the witnesses to history will be the ones who hold sway. (Akashic records maybe??)
it was a no brainer dear Josh!
it brings me joy when someone cares so much as to come forward and speak their mind and help.
in all honesty there's nothing
for me to meet a positive input with a negative vibe...may be if i was a poet in all honesty yes, but the truth, the cold hard truth is, i am not. i just write the expression in its purity, that's my attempt at writing, the reason i write, what comes to mind.
Humbled. indeed.
yes...the winners writing record, like the government there to this day censors all info available to its billion plus citizens about this incident. And yes, they too writing their own history, but they can't change the witnesses to the history. Truth always finds a way out, eventually.
Well Akashic record...how about the word of mouth passed on from generation to generation for you cannot steal what is stored in one's heart! Like knowledge.
it brings me joy when someone cares so much as to come forward and speak their mind and help.
in all honesty there's nothing
for me to meet a positive input with a negative vibe...may be if i was a poet in all honesty yes, but the truth, the cold hard truth is, i am not. i just write the expression in its purity, that's my attempt at writing, the reason i write, what comes to mind.
Humbled. indeed.
yes...the winners writing record, like the government there to this day censors all info available to its billion plus citizens about this incident. And yes, they too writing their own history, but they can't change the witnesses to the history. Truth always finds a way out, eventually.
Well Akashic record...how about the word of mouth passed on from generation to generation for you cannot steal what is stored in one's heart! Like knowledge.
Anonymous
6th Sep 2018 8:40pm
It's a powerful image and you've done it justice with this piece
7th Sep 2018 10:52am
welcome
firstly to the community
deep down and underground
as well as
to the scribble dear peer!
appreciate the kind feedback
no doubt
it's a powerful and inspiring image
one that is worth a thousand poems
you're kind in your assessment as mine scribble doing it
some justice.
humbled i am.
firstly to the community
deep down and underground
as well as
to the scribble dear peer!
appreciate the kind feedback
no doubt
it's a powerful and inspiring image
one that is worth a thousand poems
you're kind in your assessment as mine scribble doing it
some justice.
humbled i am.
