longing

I listen to the talks
 
nowadays  
I listen to the talks
all the time  
they are on and on  
blacking out  
the inner conversation  
 
to overwrite
 
the sick words  
the wrong beliefs  
the exaggerated
 
that what drove Her away  
the many Hers
 
being devastated
 
the privilege
 
thank you
 
the wound  
the privilege  
to read  
rewrite  
reread  
the stories of myself  
to deal with this inner life
 
thank you
 
“there are wounds  
that crush the soul,  
distort and misdirect  
the energy of life,  
and those that propmt us  
to grow up”
 
thank you
 
I met a witch  
at unusual place
 
She gave me amulets  
against the dragon forces  
I’m about to pass  
 
thank  you
 
for my longing  
is so strong  
and the voice  
of the Bigger Thing  
is really loud
 
this “necessary” wound  
to move out of the old  
the catalyst  
the next stage  
moving into life
 
I always longed  
still longing  
for my person’s “genius”  
awaiting  
on the other side  
the Man  
stepping in place  
of the sullen Boy
 
 
 
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
 
– Corinthians 13:11
 
 
(to Tatyana)