Growing Pains thru a Hurricane

Here come the clouds, then falls the rain.
Internally brewing a storm, metaphorically I'm brewing a hurricane.
Mixed emotions clashing inside like hot and cold fronts.
Morals, values, and beliefs are not what they were once.
Once upon a time when clear skies were something that I didn’t just dream.
I was very young yet saw the world for what it was, and everything in between.
I was flying in the clouds free of worries with my head held high conquering everything statistics said I couldn’t.
I remember times of falling down like shooting stars doing things I said I wouldn’t.
Waiting for a sunrise of hope to forgive myself for things I did that I shouldn’t.
Once upon a time when I had that untouched faith I could make it, make rules and set limitations for me and i will surely break it.
 I made it thru what others deemed impossible , and thats only because i knew that for my happiness i was held responsible.
But once upon a time is always in the past.
Adolescents those naïve teenage years are stages of life that do not last.
I can’t turn back the clock.
Life’s lessons taking a toll on me now let’s start from the top.
Struggle after struggle, fumble after fumble I may have gotten thru the past, but this time I’m in trouble.
I don’t feel like the fight.
This time the dogs bark is bigger than his bite.
I’ve contemplated taking flight.
No baggage to claim no issues noted out and forwarded to my name.
Just a body lifeless and cold.
Sometimes I feel like a helpless soul, and other times I am a soulless body awaiting the burial so I can get on with my resurrection.
Am I drowning in excuses not to live, or am I wallowing in overdue and dealt with sorrow?
I believe that it will always be a tomorrow, though at times I question if I even want to be in it.
As I wait for my sunrise alone with all my thoughts I ask myself,
Why are you so anxious, why are you so nervous?
You grow thru what you go thru and you doubt that you deserve this?
Hasn’t this been a part of the plan?
Prospering thru life experiencing love and allowing helping hands.
Has your past not captured compassion from listening ears and many souls
You’ve watched your story produce life in others, and that in itself is life goals.
The very ground you’ve walked on you’ve carried your cross and bared it.
The very ground you’ve crawled on has heard your silent cries to deaf ears,
yet you doubt that this very foundation that you’ve built will keep you up?
Sometimes I felt like I wasn’t good enough, and that’s why I give more and do enough.
This hurricane has been challenging my self-esteem.
I know that I’m stronger than what they made me out to be, and I never gave up so easy or willingly.
I’m so use to being cheated, constantly allowing myself to receive more of what isn’t needed.
Once upon a time I could not see, but now I have to fully accept that the catastrophe is me.
I realize that sometimes I grab onto soaring winds and flow with things that are supposed to be a breeze.
I sometimes sail to long on waves that are supposed to take me to the beach, yet I choose to sail into the ocean of no land.
Allowing rain to fall when there was no drought.
I was properly watered till I let them drown me out.
I get scared at times I don’t move.
So, inspired yet standing idle I am now facing my truth.
The sun is coming up and it’s a beautiful sunrise.
I must face the reality that only I can create.
Focus on the positive and for sure I will elevate.
Heart whole, soul free I am stronger than I ever been.
Breaking down this is it can’t stop now can’t give in.
Tears fall, clouds part, rain stops.
I am in the eyes of the hurricane.
Looking thru I see the truth of all the lies, and all I had compromised that came against my peace.
Deal with it learn from it and the pain will be released.
Adulthood is my hurricane, and as he whirls around me I realize that I am in the safest place.
Centered in me, aiming to live without excuses and apologies for being.
Purpose and action have become a new friend in the midst of this all, and they whispered to me as we walked into life out the storm of expectations,
“You’ll never miss what you have lived without “, and for me fear is no longer on my horizon.