the missing ingredient

 
the gray came in to stay today
I thought it lift for awhile
but it only shift
from my mind and into my heart
 
with a sinking feeling
that you are plotting a life away from me
I don't blame you really
I can see it coming
it's just I really do love you
but not in the right ways
not how you need
 
we've been together twenty years now
a lifetime ago
I was twenty something  
so young with fresh ideas
with idealistic thoughts on love
I started a life with you

all these years later
I still believe in love but now have different views
it's not by accident we remained together
we have an understanding of how each one works
we each decided what we could accept
when it came to the challenges of staying together
 
you have leaving on your mind
because I've pushed the limits
what I bring to the table
in the end just isn't worth it
 
it will hurt like death
when you walk out
but I can't change
I've spent most my life trying to do that
 
there is a missing ingredient in me
that makes it impossible to live normally
 
I'm an addict