Kiss My Ass

I’ve seriously had enough of this bullshit
I’ve been working my ass off while Kathy regularly fucked you
That office slut always rubbed it in my face and dared me to quit
Well she’s getting her wish; I’m absolutely through…!
 
With this stressful job and shitty pay
And your intolerable attitude towards me  
You’ve claimed to have an open mind, but not once did you listen to what I had to say
Spending all day in the office, I’m just desperate to get free.
 
It’s an open secret that Kathy’s been fucking you
Yet no one’s brave enough to admit it out loud
I’ll prove that by messing with me you’ve both bitten off more than you can chew
And I won’t even have to make a sound.
 
George and Jennifer are more than willing to help me out
This fantastic couple are hardly shy to try out my idea
As I look at the final results, I know that without a doubt
This will put an end to Kathy’s verbal diarrhea.
 
Monday morning, I arrive at work and sit down at my desk
Every coworker and even the branch supervisor have received my package
Brian opens the envelope at his desk right beside mine, and gawks as what he sees is grotesque  
More coworkers open the envelopes, and Maria mutters vulgarities in Spanish.
 
Kathy arrives at the office, and everyone goes quiet
She lifts an eyebrow at the scene, and immediately spots me
She carries a thermo in her hand, yet again undergoing a liquid diet
I wait for her calmly, while others would have flee.
 
She cocks her head at me. “Slept well, Rebecca?”
I barely hold back a smile. “Not as good as you, Kathy. Your bed’s always warm.”
Some men snicker, whereas Kathy removes her shades from Ella
“What are you talking about?” Brian speaks up. “Hey Kathy. I like your new dress uniform.”
 
Kathy grows frustrated. “What the hell are you guys talking about?”
“Why don’t you check out your cubicle, Kathy.” I tell her
She does so, and once she looks at the contents, she lets out a shout…
Of outrage and her face flushes pink. I let out a pleased purr.
 
George took Jennifer from behind as she’s bent over a desk
Thanks to photoshop, their faces were swapped for Kathy and my boss
I’m proud of myself; the quality of the scene is picturesque  
Angelina, the devout catholic, flushes in embarrassment and makes the sigh of the cross.
 
Kathy screeches like a banshee when my soon-to-be-ex boss shows up
He immediately walks over to Kathy and demands to know what’s wrong
He looks at the picture and his facial expression causes Martha to cough into her cup
“Kiss my ass, Hollander!” is written proudly on “Kathy’s ass” uncovered by the thong.
 
Hollander’s face is tomato red and he violently jerks his head around
“Who did this?!” He yells at us.
I stand up, and despite the asshole’s glare, I stand my ground
This is my moment, and I feel incredibly snug.
 
“I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but Kathy’s already doing that for you.”
Several men snicker to themselves, while Hollander’s face turns purple
“Watch yourself, Rebecca! I’ll fire you!”
I chuckle. “You can’t fire me. I quit.” My eyes sparkle.
 
I confidently walk towards the elevator
“Was nice working with all of you.” I pointedly don’t look at Kathy
A huge weight is lifted off my shoulders as I’m freed from this dictator
I glance back. “By the way, I’ve sent a copy of the picture to the supervisor, Ashley.”