Choose: Run or Cry

I rummage around in the corners of my brain
Trying to find the right words to say

How can they not feel what I feel
When it’s so overpowering
It feels like I’m being torn apart
Like my skin is being turned inside out

I clench my jaw and crunch my eyes
As tears roll down
I chant over and over again:
I can’t take it, I can’t take it

All I can feel is this deep suffering
Or passive indifference

Then there’s small pauses in between
Which I label happiness
But it’s merely the absence of pain

I can’t cope with reality
All I can do is hide or hurt
Run or cry

I can’t stop myself
From doing things
I know will hurt

I think the only way I can stop
The only way I can control myself
Is if I stop
My heart