La Belle au Bois Dormant .

dearest Al in the first stanza
I feel the utter frustration
of just being done with it...

in the second stanza it's reinforced
as if talking until one is blue in the face
still won't change the thick headed..

the third I read powerful emotion
about the situation..

the fourth I read some vulnerability
in the use of the strongest beast turned panzy
I don't want to delve further here..

the fifth makes me utterly saddened
and I hope it's a passing emotion..

the sixth clues us in about the point of discontent
but only somewhat
the way you did it is powerful...

love Brenda

Aah dear reader.  
 
Honored to recieve such intense feedback. Interesting insights.  
   
Thank you for the spell check on "panzy" cleaned her up. Appreciate the gesture.  
   
Yeah the amount we can deal with, in a day. It's uncanny, aint it ;)  
   
Many thanks for your support and honest evaluation. Really grateful to you.  
   
Blue Skies at you  
   
Al

Al, you say some astute, thought provoking things in this piece. Maybe old folks don't believe because they've been lied to so much in their lives.  I do enjoy how technology is still magic, in many cases black, to them. The granularity of punctuation is a perfect simile for the brief nature of a day. Bravo!

Mr. G

Thank you for your wonderful comment.

I'm rather perplexed at the nature of magical technology at the moment.
It's a thought provoking thing for me.

Punctuation, seems to be a conversational topic at the moment. I remember similar conversations some years back. It's interesting how the wheel turns landing back in the same spot so often.  

Critique is also a conversation at the moment that has come up many times before, peeps dunno how lucky they have it these days. Back when things were new, we had to submit our poetry to site administrators. If they liked it, they put it up, if they didn't like it. They didn't put it up. You had no other way of measuring the quality. It also took a couple of days to be put up. So there was no spewing writes out a dozen a day, like we do now. Oh the poetry evolution is wonderful.

Bet you a dollar, if you like wagers. The next topic of conversation will be plagerism. All the signs seem ripe for some idiot to try pass the good work of others off as their own. Leaving the original writer with nothing more than a full stop.

Thanks for the visit and the chat, man.

Good to see you

Blue Skies

Al

The prior submission process,  you describe,  probably dissuaded many from participating. I have wondered how I would react if I were plagerized. Would I accept that my words and ideas are available to enjoy,  or not,  on the web no matter who takes credit for them or would I feel robbed? Also, would I feel honored to be plagerism worthy? I try to write as personally as possible do that my fingerprints are evident on my work.  I will probably  find the topic frustrating and tedious.

 
“Sleeping Beauty” (thank you, dear French man, once banged. Proof that anything can be learned if given the right syllabus 😂)

The metaphor here is rather lovely and feels very observational - a private window we are lucky enough to look into. There’s a lot of loving imagery (some poignant sad imagery in here also) and that makes it feel that little bit more personal.  

On to the good stuff:
   
"all in a single day" they say.    
I walk    
slouched    
bored to death with it.    
Thinking, beer and hamburgers    
but leaving the imagery    
to the old folk.    

[id remove the full stop after “it” and uncapitalised ‘thinking’ just because that’s such a glorious continuation, the full stop hinders that beautiful flow. How do you feel about the removal of ‘but’?  

So:

"all in a single day" they say.    

I walk    
slouched    
bored to death with it
thinking, beer and hamburgers,
leaving the imagery    
to the old folk. ]

The thing with old people
they don't believe.
Doesn't matter how many times    
you reiterate a simple thing,    
they look at you    
in fools eyes with long discussion.    

[rarely do I say put the hyphens in, but I think this stanza needs one. Possibly after people just because it’s more of a question and answer. That last line is fucking me up a little. How about a trim to “with fools eyes”.]
   
A remote server connection    
is their own desktop;    
touch screens need to be pounded    
until glass fragments slither
mirroring finger-tips,
as sleeping beauty    
texts love notes    
in blood    
across her bedroom wall

[ /\ Just tidied up the punctuation in this one. Some of the semi’s weren’t needed. Slight line alteration also, helps that flow. Removed that last full stop also because it flows into the ‘and’ of the next line]
   
And    
all in a single day    
the strongest beast    
can transform into a panzy prince,    
in the cruel death of passion    
dripping blood from the mouths    
of pens    
wearing diapers    
and notebooks filling drips.    

[no need to capitalise ‘and’. I’d also move the comma to the line below it. Panzy - is this pansy, as in flower? Not sure on that... if it is, spelling fix]
   
All in a single day, the    
treasures of your creativity    
art in your talents    
craft in your science    
can disintegrate,    

a fragment of a needle    
on a spinning wheel    
re-worked    
and re-welded    
by Brothers Grimm    
until    
nothing is left.    
   
Nothing    
- but a single    
full stop    
in a world    
of punctuation .    

[the only thing I would change here is the removal of the comma after disintegrate. Weird ass place to put a comma. ]

This piece is dripping in metaphor. Woman loves a metaphor.  

Thank you for sharing.  

-M

[“Sleeping Beauty” (thank you, dear French man, once banged. Proof that anything can be learned if given the right syllabus 😂) ]

Well tell that french chap, I'm grateful that he taught you the original title of Sleeping Beauty. Btw... It was originally two seperate stories and (I think) the original was written in the 1300's. It was definately by Charles Perrault. Any how the Brothers Grimm only got a hold of it for rewrites and combining in the late 1600's. To think that was 300 years later. The metaphore of a story sleeping like that amuses me and my paralysis.

Yeah the over punctuation of my piece is very much a lead into It's ending and some irony to the topic of punctuation, I was discussing with Mr. G above.

Your suggestions on this poem are all stella and I'm playing with them to see how it lands in the end. Will let you know, after all the sharpening is complete.

I love your wonderful poetry eyes, so grateful to have them on my pages. Thank you so so much.

Blue Skies at you.

Al

My highest praise is always the wish that I had written it...damn wish I'd written this powerful piece of ink Al...all tied together with that simple but brilliant ending...
Nothing      
- but a single      
full stop      
in a world      
of punctuation .    

Cheers...Harry

Wow! Sir Harry.

To recieve such an incredible word of encouragement, from you is just wonderful. You've made my day!


Al

Why is it that "Mrs. Dalloway' came to mind the instant i read this.  It has that feel of how things can happen instantly yet the effect can last years, like domino affect.  
On the other side of the coin, the gist of message can we ever sum up everything in a single write, even if it's a book.  How can we ever articulate who we are what we want, what we believe where we came from where we're going by a language that offers handful of vowels tossed in.
and then there's editing; the ever controversial topic ;)
how much is too much and how little is too little, i'd say 'to be or not to be..do you wanna be a poem or not?' lol
That's how i deal with those annoying pests that buzz around the words and marks .

btw, a side note about your previous poem 'the kind of day'..is just wonderful :)

Layla Said:
"Why is it that "Mrs. Dalloway' came to mind the instant i read this.  It has that feel of how things can happen instantly yet the effect can last years, like domino affect.  "
Al Said: So off I went and got a copy or Virginia Woolf's masterpiece, thank you for the pointer. Indeed the piece has some likeness in terms of so much life happening in a single day. ;)

Gotta admit, It's near impossible to relate a entire 24 hour period to another person. Was indeed saying to my very special person last night "it's not that I purposefully leave stuff out when I say things, it's that another entire day is needed to relate the previous day.

;)

Thank you Layla, I adore your insights and comments (and book pointers).

Al

Strangely that last one you mentioned, I felt it kinda silly really. Not in love with it (from a writing perspective.)
Thanks tho.
;)