Strip It Down

[/i]Strip it down        
lay myself out there naked        
brutal honesty?        
         
Can I do this?        
         
I live in fantasy        
honesty scares the shit out of me.        
         
I smoke weed to cut the anxiety        
and boredom that keeps me constant company.        
         
I lived on the edge when I was younger        
any thing for a thrill        
lived in filth ridden motels        
the peak of my day, my fix of heroin.        
         
I still feel the pull of the drug        
it comes at me like demons in the night        
i'm always chasing the drug but not finding it        
the demons always have green shining eyes, mocking me.        
         
I hear voices, see things other people don't see        
it's getting better now but it has before.        
         
When I first got off methadone        
I could hear Hitler talking to me        
saying I would forever be chained to him        
and the evil drug his scientists invented.        
         
Ha, I laugh at you now        
at least when it comes to that nasty drug i'm free.        

I feel rage at a lot of things        
I'm angry mostly at myself        
for my lack of brutal honesty        
for not ever taking a truthful inventory        
of what my drug addiction cost me.[i]