deepundergroundpoetry.com
curling your toes
When I'm betwixt your legs licking your clitoris and sucking your lips I feel your toes curl I hear you groaning when you get moist and rub your juices in my face ill be tickling your nipples til there rock hard like my dick and when you cum hard that's when I know I hit that Spot and licked you clean ya meen.
Published 20th Oct 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
20th Oct 2011 6:27am
Welcome to DU...
In terms of the honest critique you asked for...I am not a fan of this piece...there is a fine line between porn and erotic commentry and I think you over step the line in leaps and bounds. The style you have used lends itself to a long sentence of sexual rambling with no coherent grammar at all...
That said keep writing, the more you do, the better it should get. Try to describe the beauty of this experience in your next write and see how that goes.
Good luck
Blue Skies to you.
In terms of the honest critique you asked for...I am not a fan of this piece...there is a fine line between porn and erotic commentry and I think you over step the line in leaps and bounds. The style you have used lends itself to a long sentence of sexual rambling with no coherent grammar at all...
That said keep writing, the more you do, the better it should get. Try to describe the beauty of this experience in your next write and see how that goes.
Good luck
Blue Skies to you.
