Loosing myself

Its been almost a year and I'm still filled with this pain
Hurt...disappointed...sad and no room for happiness
My mood represents the thunderstorm and the heavy rain
Lighting from the anger and rage
Aggravation from people with the adrinaline rushing through my veins
Trying my hardest not to blow up like a hand grinade
So much hurt and deep pain
Have no control over my body
Mentally, physically,and emotionally
The mental part is slowly draining, but yet I feel like I have disappeared
Knowing this, I know I can not ovecome this and nothing is cleared
No room for the sunshine and joy
Feeling like my life is like a toy
Like I'm the puppet and someone is the ventriloquis
When can I take control of myself !?
Yelling and screaming for HELP ! ! !