Hidden thoughts

I'm confused,
Do I really keep looking for u in everyone I meet?
Is it love that I feel towards u?
Is it hate?
Is it anger?
Is it hurt?
I don't know,
I don't know if my feelings towards u are positive or negative anymore,
I've loved u for so long,
I've hated u for so long
I've needed u for so long,
I'm confused as to how I feel.
 
Seeing your face reminded me of all the hurt u put me through,
But also all the joy u once brought me.
My heart is saying I still love u, that strings are still attached,
But so many years I've forced my mind to hate u,
Tried to convince my heart to not love u,
But thoughts of u are even more present than before,
Fuck! I hate u,
No....wait...what am I saying,
I fucking love u and I hate to admit that I do
 
These memories I hold dearly,
The pain suffocating me slowly,
These hidden thoughts of u,
Of u only.