deepundergroundpoetry.com
Witch Of Blitz
Mirror mirror
on the wall
listen to my
speech upon
winning it all
oh do quit
clapping
has my ego
a snapping
gathered to
gather thank
you one and
all for
contributing
to your
downfall
this road
to fame
tyranny was
the game
gathered
together as
now we are
ahem...
best be taking
heed I'm about
to do a dirty
ass deed
Better be
hauling ass
and burning
rubber
you'll never know
when the witch of
blitz shall cast a
spell on you
on the wall
listen to my
speech upon
winning it all
oh do quit
clapping
has my ego
a snapping
gathered to
gather thank
you one and
all for
contributing
to your
downfall
this road
to fame
tyranny was
the game
gathered
together as
now we are
ahem...
best be taking
heed I'm about
to do a dirty
ass deed
Better be
hauling ass
and burning
rubber
you'll never know
when the witch of
blitz shall cast a
spell on you
Published 31st May 2018
Author's Note
Written for the Comp
The Wicked Nomination
The Wicked Nomination
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 3
reads 800
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
31st May 2018 11:16pm
Oh my survivor friend
I love this poem it's gorgeously seductive poetry that has you wondering what its about right to the end...
Some sugestions
1. Suggest pulling "it" out here " winning it all" and placing "it" before "has my ego"
See what I mean...
"listen to my
speech upon
winning all
oh do quit
clapping
it has my ego
snapping
2.suggest taking "a" out before snapping above. It seems redundant.
3.suggest allowing "thank you" to stand as a phrase on it's own. Suggest the same with "one and all... For impact.
4. Suggest that "for" is alone in the end of the stanza and might serve better before "contributing".
These two edits will make the two stanzas match the flow of the stanza below it.
Some thing like this...
" gathered to
gather
thank you
one and all
for contributing
to your
downfall"
P.S. even though it's not inline with your other stanzas those two might serve better as a single stanza?
5. Suggest that the final stanza is a different pace to the stanza above it..
Suggest counting pace and putting line breaks earlier to match the one above..
you'll never know
when the
witch of blitz
shall cast
a spell on you
The image you've chosen for this and the "mirror mirror" line are stunning together. Brilliant.
Hope my suggestions help.
Thank you for the read!
Blue skies at you
Al
I love this poem it's gorgeously seductive poetry that has you wondering what its about right to the end...
Some sugestions
1. Suggest pulling "it" out here " winning it all" and placing "it" before "has my ego"
See what I mean...
"listen to my
speech upon
winning all
oh do quit
clapping
it has my ego
snapping
2.suggest taking "a" out before snapping above. It seems redundant.
3.suggest allowing "thank you" to stand as a phrase on it's own. Suggest the same with "one and all... For impact.
4. Suggest that "for" is alone in the end of the stanza and might serve better before "contributing".
These two edits will make the two stanzas match the flow of the stanza below it.
Some thing like this...
" gathered to
gather
thank you
one and all
for contributing
to your
downfall"
P.S. even though it's not inline with your other stanzas those two might serve better as a single stanza?
5. Suggest that the final stanza is a different pace to the stanza above it..
Suggest counting pace and putting line breaks earlier to match the one above..
you'll never know
when the
witch of blitz
shall cast
a spell on you
The image you've chosen for this and the "mirror mirror" line are stunning together. Brilliant.
Hope my suggestions help.
Thank you for the read!
Blue skies at you
Al
1st Jun 2018 9:39am
I very much enjoy this poem. Seee told you I suck with comments haha 😂 can’t really say why I like it so much, but just that it seems dark, mysterious, and deep.
Wonderful 👏
Wonderful 👏
30th Aug 2020 5:41pm
I've always admired your writing.I haven't written anything in awhile but I stopped by to read a few poems from my favorite poets.I hope you're doing ok.
