Have I out written myself?

Have I out written myself?
Is pain the only feeling I can relate to?
Has the fire that once burnt bright deep within distinguished?
I feel stuck now that I'm okay
I feel lost now that I'm healed
Wasn't I supposed to be happy after all my storms and heartbreaks have passed?
I'm now chasing my own shadow of my former self
Thinking of what used to be
Instead of being what I should be
I once felt like I don't belong
Now that I finally belong
 I feel like I'm lost
Constantly searching
For this emotion to relate to
Am I addicted to pain?
Is torment the only thing I know?
Do I know anything outside of pain?
Are these we words that I speak, words that heal others and uplift souls
Supposed to come from my tears?
Have I out written Myself?
Every new word comes harder
Every new line is way more difficult than the last
My broken hour glass has merely turned to dust
This is what I've become
I'm still trying to find and  learn myself
Devon is gone, years of depression are gone
Thoughts of my father, thoughts of suicide are gone
My broken teenage years are gone
But now I feel like I'm lost
Have I out written myself?