i need sunshine more of the time

nearly crying, nearly in tears, wishing again
unhappy with this pain, unhappy with my life
laying here in a white washed room
seeing the walls, curtains
feeling my eyes starting to form tears
crying because i'm hurting again
the loneliness inside of myself is like this room
plain, aching to be filled
empty sad holes need sunshine
more then just heat landing on the edge
but the actual sunshine sitting, touching the outer rim
no space for sadness to live, no room for pain to linger
just happiness taking up the space
where sadness used to live
a roaming inner world of strength, beauty, warmth
any unworthy feelings would vanish
rising up through the sun
they would leave and burn to ash
the sun would not be able to leave
strong like a rock, she would stay keeping me warm
smiling and happy, strong and free of pain
no fear that the sun would be able to float
back up into the sky and annoy my edges with it's taunting
remember that it's too much to be hurt
by the happiness around your skin
saddening to be on the ground crying
wishing to grasp that which stays away
from you a lot of the time, a vast majority of the time
and when you grasp a piece of the sun
you know that surely this can't last very long
maybe rain will come crashing down , again
just a moment , an hour
a day with zero pain and just peace
despite the aches in your life, but then you cry
because now you feel it all too much
and you are overwhelmed, again
feels like the sun is teasing you
staying out of your reach on purpose
when you are down in the dumps, empty
sad, grieving , lost and hurt
pained in a life you never even asked for
upset by noises around your mind
upset at your wierd state of mind
you just wish for the sun to take it all away
emit its powerful rays throughout your skin
and push anything painful a thousand miles away
because nobody wants to feel pained, in any shape or form
everybody wishes to feel normal, content
and i wish something or someone
could push the bad away from my mind
because i don't want it anymore
never have i wanted to feel this
i wish the sun would fill me up
i wish i was a normal and super happy girl
like all those girls you see out there
smiling , giggling, having fun , i want that
i need this , i crave this , i don't deserve the bad so much of the time
it's like i ask too much , just to be a normal properly happy girl
maybe i am asking too much , maybe life doesn't understand
how unfair my life is when i have to hurt a vast majority of the time
i guess theres no comprehension there at all
because im always waiting for a lot lot more
and it never seems to arrive
just unfair really , just so unfair
i'm a person too , i need more , i crave more, i want more
i am a human being,  i have wants and needs too
not just everyone else