lifeboat

i spilled too much of myself on the first go around,
you weren’t supposed to know any of my faults till it was much too late  
and you were in too deep  
told you i was shaking anxious like the dog i am for you  
put my tail in between my legs and call it quits for once and forever  
i can’t control the flow that erupts from my mess of a mouth and brain  
all i should say runs off and hits me like a goddamn train  
crushing any chance at you and a sense of happiness i’ll ever get  
 
you’re gone now and i’m dry crying over your ghost that never laid beside mine
in the first place, i never touched you and that’s just as well
cause i only manage to exist and feel in fantasy hell,
mindfuck me, dreamfuck it, gotta learn to commit to not caring about anything  
so i won’t compare and drown a little in self-loathe,  
somebody give me a lifeboat  
before i sink into my head completely  
trying to cross an ocean to reach you  
 
call me crazy baby, i think i like it when i bleed
metaphorically speaking so don’t come
and kill me please  
i am the victim, villain of this  
and you’re just along for the ride  
till i throw you off course and ruin this  
i take it too seriously, get caught up in semantics  
you’re playing careless but it shouldn’t be any other way  
because i’m a twist of doubt and you’re a twist of the knife
i put between my ribs in the first place  
 
sorry you thought i was a safe  
bet darling,  
sorry you might’ve thought i would ease your troubles instead of creating them
i second-guess myself into exhaustion  
never shutting the hell up when i ought to  
and staying quiet when i shouldn’t  
i have overblown, overdone it again  
i need to let go  
i can’t let go