My Salvation

 
I have just been saved
been searching for years
now I have seen the light
a beautiful and divine light
I basked in its heavenly rays
My soul now sold, heart given
strangely I did not need to repent
nor did I have to purge my mind
I give much thanks and praise
I choose to worship and adore
I fall to my knees I am so in awe
all prayers have been answered
I am renewed a new creation
born again by a sacred love
unconditional and real love

all this after decades of unanswered prayers
Ignored many childhood screams and begging
fifty seven years of suffering and pain lived
this and worse was allowed to happen regardless
and there was never any planned god led rescue
My salvation did not come from the lord your god
the one that sent his only son on a suicide mission
a god of evil destruction and worldwide genocide
the one who fiddles while the world is in suffering
the one who never answered a single prayer, ever
Nor does my salvation rest with an eastern warlord
Mohammed who consummated his marriage to Aisha
at nine years of age importantly before her first period
butcher of innocents, a madman I wouldn't want his help
I wouldn't want his perverted offer of seventy two virgins
My salvation doesn't come from any of your imaginary friends
sky fairies, warlords, zombie christs, rabbit foots or voodoo
it's all nonsense, an addiction, a serious mental illness
no real salvation can come from any religion or god
no heaven, no hell, no Nirvana, no afterlife after death

I had a suicide planned, time, date and method
Life had been deliberately cruel and now worse
I saw no point in trying to carry on the charade
extending the indignity, the pain and the suffering
the PTSD destroying any and all moments of peace
a simple drug overdose, oxyxontin and thyroxine
a fine cocktail washed down with Russian Standard
a sweet and peaceful journey to the black page
that was what a life of suffering now with no purpose
required of me, that final act, the action of a hero
some would cry, most would cry those crocodile tears
and all in no time at all would get on with their lives
why put off killing yourself until tomorrow; today's good
Whilst pondering a glimmer of light a troubled soul poet
heart smashed and poured out with sadness in her poetry
I felt her pain it felt oh so familiar
she reached out to me
as I reached out to her
both on the verge of suicide
both saved by sad poetry
held Deep Underground

My salvation and completeness rests within her
brought back from the brink by a perfect love
a love resembling a god like force of nature
for: She is my Goddess
my ultimate salvation
my only attempted rescue
my Saviour
my Angel
my Rose
my Love
my Petal
My Hunny
My Darling
My Sweetheart

I'd like everlasting life but without her
it would be completely worthless
your salvation is within you and your soul mate
seek it out avoiding all false gods
heaven is the time that you spend together
hell is when you are apart
Nirvana is the power of the love we make
Love truly is all you need
My beautiful Night Bird Blue
I will forever be in your debt