Retrograde

She was struggling to find a way to prove their experience as phony, illusive creations of her mind...Then she tried to explain the situation psychologically, logically, mentally, physically, spiritually, with conspiracies, prophecies, omens, theories.. Then she realized she could never know for sure, anything. She could never know the truth, just for the reason that the truth, her conception of reality, doesn't exist, it is rather being created by what we both consciously and unconsciously believe to be true.    
And she decided that he really had no other will, but going back to her. However, she had to really believe it to happen without anything happening for her to believe, overcoming any guilt of loving her self unconditionally, confront rejection and become aware that she alone was projecting her beliefs of self-value.  
Every single moment is a moment of truth, if you want to.  
Every single thought releases human, magically creative, electromagnetic energy  
So she set the intention. She believed, so strongly, till the core of her heart, till the depths of her soul, that they belong together.    
 Venus was going retrograde when she felt that the time was approaching for him to come back. It was a "now or never" moment. All her power and all her magic was focused on him to feel her. All of her energy. The planet of love and affection was operating likewise the hands of a watch, pointing their reality, synchronized in an absolute way with their lives. The magical deities of her mind were sending omens not to give up, despite her ego screaming from pain and trying to make her forget...  
All we see is our projections... Regardless of their true essential nature, all are what we want them to be. She wanted him to be her true, divine, eternal love.  
She made her will come true but with what cost? She often wondered if any magic was involved. "He must be with me out of his will",  her words that kept her from using conscious spells on him. If there is any spell on them, it must be mutual.  
'Just don't move in circles", a being's advice, the only one she ever took seriously.  
And to one's circle closure, another begun. In whatever way, a higher one.  
She knew she had to trust the universe and its force.  
It doesn't make sense if nothing makes sense.  
Something very cool might be after this life. She has to evolve to get the hell out of here.  
But what to do with this aknowledged pain?    
A pain so old, as the universe itself. Not a love ache. Not a crush.  
Struggling for neutrality and acceptance in her, she was allowing from moments to moments to let go of  vibrationally lower emotions.  
"No swirl of abyss grief can suck me into its eternal waves of spiral repetitive patterns of unfulfilled death."  
She hated that human dynamic. This time seems endless...  
Eager to see what's next, she concentrated on what was keeping her here.  
Noctural lessons from a paraniod objection of the mind to reject painful thoughts...Extracted from blood and bones...  
"Stay above the wave!", the same being's advice..  
   
What if she has lost her mind? Such a delay!  
Lethargy is tempting..