untitled ( 4 )

when my mind keeps me awake at night, i often find myself thinking.
not thinking like how we usually do in the day when we're occupied, but something entirely different.

i think about myself. where i'll be in the next few years.
who i'll be. will i be better? will i be worse?
will i finally be financially stable? will i have nothing to my name?
will i still be with my current partner? or will he grow bored of me and move on?
will i overcome my depression? will i give up and take death's hand?
will i find my place in the world? will i forever stick out like a sore thumb?
do i have a purpose? do i live this life for no reason?

questions i don't have answers to. maybe i don't want answers, anyway.