Why?

I just want to feel something.
Anyting.
Drugs, ciggarettes, booze,
I do everything.
Because they're all better than
The feeling
When I wake up,
It's nothing.
A big big nothing.
I drown my sorrow
In all this stuff
But I'm not really living life.
I'm just a passenger
Looking out the window
At what once used to be
Something.
But now it's gone.
A great big nothing.
I feel it everywhere
So much that
Everyday I think of crashing the train.
Destroy it
And myself with it.
What's the point of living?
Why are we here?
Why do I have to try and change the destination
When I actually have no control over it?
All these questions burrow in my head
As I pop pill after pill
Smoke ciggarette after ciggarette
And always find myself
Wanting another bottle.
Is there a way of ending it
Without crashing the train?
I finish this verse
As I cut my veins
Cause feeling pain
Is better than feeling nothing.