little big things

There are still days
when I will stumble out of bed
to the throws of cigarette smoke
in a rush of a nightmare

But I have learned to
find solace
in myself
without having to cower in fear
over the make believes of my thoughts.

I will sit in timeless stupor
staring at non-significance
until the words in my head
blend into nothingness
until I see peace
under the debris.

And for a while
I am free.

There are times I will ache
an inexplicable pain
because I look back too often

Yet I learn that beauty comes from
what you choose to see
and I choose to see hope
behind every black hue.

And sometimes I look towards the stretch
of autumn skies
and think about
the view of the sky
from the other side
and contemplate
on how we  
touch so many lives while circulating amongst six billion people on overlapping days around the world connecting and loving and hating and feeling and living and every connection will build and crumble and hurt and stain and heal and remain and they make memories that will last an eternity in the core of our minds.

And to imagine myself
in the middle of all this
there is a certain beauty of
impermanence
that shatters my heart
and takes my breath away.