BEAUTY IN PEE MINOR  (4-10-90, North Park, San Diego, California) (an unexpected, subtle moment of simple gratitude)

having been sick
for so very
very long
i increasingly
began  
to see  
and perceive
in much  
of my life
and this world  
all around me
so much more
beauty and wonder  
in even  
the commonest  
of things
in somewhat  
peculiar  
untypical ways
for instance
upon being
awakened
early this morning
by my bladders
urgent call
rising sun shone
diagonally
through louvered
bathroom
window panes
as i relaxed
relieved  
pissed out  
a fluid stream
of warm
golden  
liquid diamonds
in a graceful
singing arc
through new
morning light
i marvelled  
at the dazzling
beauty
of its perfect
brilliance
coming  
out of me
as i passively  
watched
and listened
spellbound by its
watery song
i slipped into  
a momentary  
daydream
of a near
forgotten
sense of perfection
which seemed  
perfectly normal
and common
back then
a state  
of being
my reality
i once knew
was and lived
so long lost
to me
now
though still
i find myself
nostalgically longing
at times
for my once
darkly tanned
youthful skin
for my lean
strong
athletic body
to return
to be so
vibrantly  
so vitally alive  
so dynamically
healthy again  
following my bliss
as i did
throughout  
most my life
passionately living
for riding waves
for blue skies
seas  sand
and sun
intimately communing
with nature
in its every
living  conscious  
form
breathing in
its harmony
with my own
as one
a harmony now
so distantly gone
which those
who still  
have it
mostly the young  
seem largely
to take for
granted
especially when
they have it
in spades
seemingly so  
effortlessly
each and every  
day and night
year after year
a natural birthright
most are blessed
with and given
sadly remains  
only
a vague memory
for me today
which i can
only vainly crave
and mournfully
long for  
so desperately  
here now
although  
at this point
in my journey
after so many
years  
ive come
to wear acceptance
like a thin
protective  
threadbare coat
which serves me
somedays
somedays not
as a rare
saving grace
in helping  
to emotionally
and psychologically
compensate
for so much
continuos lack
and loss
at least to  
such a degree
im able to
find and see
true beauty  
and wonder
more and more
each day
nearly everywhere  
around me
in anything
almost everything
even just as  
here now
while standing here
this morning
not even  
fully awake
my mind adrift
reflectively daydreaming
while taking  
an urgent leak
with early mornings
rising sunlight
diagonally beaming  
through
my bathroom  
windows
louvered panes  
im instantly
entranced
by the familiar
tranquil song
and mesmerizing
sight
of the singing  
streaming  
golden arc
of my sparkling
pisses
beautiful  warm
diamond flights  
truly wondrous
release
into such
immediately
satisfying  
equally sweet
relief