Poem for My Father

I would want you to know
I can tell you what monsters do
There are stories I'll never tell
There are wounds that will never heal
But I stopped being weak long ago
And I know how to survive
Without bitterness or anger
I am more than my scars

I would want you to know
It's not lonely on the other side
It's not hopeless like you thought
My heart and mind are free
My body and my identity are mine
No one else can touch that now
And what's mine is not for sale
Not anymore

I would want you to know
That I'll always love you
No walls or constructs will matter
No gods or devils are even a factor
Our paths may change but my heart
Will always hold a place for you
Because you were there before anything
And nothing changes

I would want you to know that I'm sorry
That who I am will let you down
I am not what I was taught to be
But my apology is not regret
The only regret I will ever have
Is that I may never be what makes you proud
I can only be who I truly am
And learn to live with that loss