Thank You

Thank You

To my parents who have always been there for me even when I was lost in the dark,
when I was lost in life and searching for a spark
to kick start my life and get myself back on track
thank you for putting up with me even when I thought I was going insane and my mind felt like it was going to crack.
I haven’t always been easy to defend
but I never met to offend.
I love you guys through the good and bad.
I’m happy to have you as my comrades.
I’m sorry for all the pain I have caused you over the years.
My actions were often controlled by fear,
fear that consumed my mind, body and soul.
Thank you for never giving up on me and throwing my decaying body into a deep, dark hole.

To my girlfriend for always putting up with my crazy demon,
for always being there for me when I couldn’t stop the bleeding,
for always believing in me when no one else would,
thank you for being the girlfriend I never deserved, I hope I have you next to me for good.
I’ve been a little unstable and sometimes difficult to handle,
but I want nothing more than to treat you as gently as a candle.
I haven’t always made things easy for you,
Thank you for staying with me and seeing things through.
You are the rock I lean on when I’m feeling down.
You’re the one I turn to when I find myself stuck wearing a frown.
Life has been amazing with you in it.
Thank you for giving me a chance and choosing to commit.

To my grandpa may you rest in peace.
My thoughts and love for you as yet to decrease.
I’m sorry for being weak and unable to carry on your legacy.
I promise I will continue to pursue that goal everyday breathlessly.
I feel your absence in me every day.
For a while it saddened me and left me lost in gray.
Thank you for coming to me and helping me learn how to heal.
You’re above me guiding the way every day, your presence I can feel.
No matter how many times I fail you won’t ever look down on me.
You will have my back until my final day comes and I take one last knee,
Then we will be able to pick back up playing cards.
Thank you for always having my back and being my guard.

Thank you to everyone who has attacked me throughout my life.
I forgive you all; I no longer have a reason to strife.
I held all of your negativity in for far too long and used it to create my art.
I should have forgiving you all from the start.
Negativity fueled my art and fueled the devil inside me.
With my forgiveness, I’m setting that negativity free.
I no longer have a reason to hate.
I no longer have a reason to loathe.
I no longer have a reason to fear.
I no longer have a reason to suffer from this disease.
Thank you all for helping me grow as a person and learn from all these bad experiences.
Thank you for tearing me down in order for me to climb back up and grow even stronger.
Thank you for never believing in me and forcing me to believe in myself.
Most importantly, thank you for the valuable lessons I learned from all of you.

I’m sorry to everyone I have let down the past twenty-nine years.
The darkness is lifting and my life is finally starting to become clear.
I’m sorry to everyone I have hurt in my past.
I hope you have healed from the damage caused by me from all the time that has passed.
Thank you for being part of my life even though our time together ended up going sour.
Thank you for eventually forgiving me, I’m sure it took a lot longer than an hour.

I’m here to atone for my sins and forgive myself for the wrong I have done.
Believe me when I tell you, I haven’t exactly been a nun.
I’m a human being, flawed and sinful.
I can be loving and kind, or as deadly as a missile.
For so long I haven’t been able to forgive myself for the bad I have done.
I refused to forgive myself and held it all inside.
It tore me apart and further fueled the demon.
It even affected me when I was dreaming.
I’m finally learning how to forgive myself and move forward in life.
Thank you all for being patient with me, especially to my future wife
who has put up me at my best and worst.
Without you here I may as well be dead.
Thank you, God, for never leaving my side.
Thank you, God, for filling my heart with peace.