deepundergroundpoetry.com
Ocean of blood
The emptiness fills the ducts,
Crashing to the earth,
Dirt in the eye.
Heaviness fills the heart,
Sinking to the ocean floor,
Water in my lungs.
Drowning without water,
Breathing without air,
Circling sharks come to feed,
Vultures get the scraps,
Bone shows,
Flesh goes,
Spirit crushed by the weight of my world.
Crashing to the earth,
Dirt in the eye.
Heaviness fills the heart,
Sinking to the ocean floor,
Water in my lungs.
Drowning without water,
Breathing without air,
Circling sharks come to feed,
Vultures get the scraps,
Bone shows,
Flesh goes,
Spirit crushed by the weight of my world.
Published 16th Dec 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 5
reads 753
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
16th Dec 2017 12:49pm
welcome
to the community deep side.
expression
is effective
with its line breaks
and as an audio poem no issues
only if at all any critique, would be the redundancy of the punctuation esp the commas at the end, as line breaks serve the same purpose.
to the community deep side.
expression
is effective
with its line breaks
and as an audio poem no issues
only if at all any critique, would be the redundancy of the punctuation esp the commas at the end, as line breaks serve the same purpose.
16th Dec 2017 1:50pm
Thanks for the feed back. Will work on the format a bit. I'm used to writing death metal lyrics, so its a bit of adjustment to look with in myself.
Anonymous
20th Mar 2018 4:10pm
Hu display... This one caught my attention...
Ive been here before the feeling is a sinking feeling so to speak... But the way u describe them was very well done...great work!
Autumn
Ive been here before the feeling is a sinking feeling so to speak... But the way u describe them was very well done...great work!
Autumn
21st Mar 2018 1:40am
Anonymous
20th Mar 2018 4:10pm
Hu display... This one caught my attention...
Ive been here before the feeling is a sinking feeling so to speak... But the way u describe them was very well done...great work!
Autumn
Ive been here before the feeling is a sinking feeling so to speak... But the way u describe them was very well done...great work!
Autumn
