Numb Yourself

Once more she fills her cup with something sticky and blue  
Shimmering burning elixir to the brim  
Deep breaths  
Inhale something numbingly new  
Breathe in, choke out  
Shakey hands and quivering lungs  
Vodka kisses off of stranger’s tongues  
Its the rise before the fall  
Another brain numbing shot of rum  
Dizzying lights and blurring colors  
Cold foreign bodies pressed up against hers, grabbing and grinding, always rough hands twisting around her  
It’s a controlled confusion, a flow of sustaining hallucinogens  
She just wants to feel new again  
She’ll always love these selfish things, these lonely dreams  
She thought that love was going to save her, but it wasn’t something anyone gave her  
The room is spinning,  she can barely stand  
The past is tasting bitter, the loneliness is feeling merciless and the ache begins to hit her  
Trembling lips pressed against another bottle tip  
“Numb yourself so you can feel alive again” the icy whisper flowed through wine stained lips as chills ran through down her spine
Just one more sugarcoated line
The moments she shares with intoxicated lust is all she will ever have  
But the emptiness is so heavy is her chest  
A place where a black hole rests  
Somewhere the drugs don’t go, where the alcohol can’t flow  
Her clock is ticking, it’s feeling so weak  
She’s getting lost while falling down  
A final spark to light the dark  
 A tantalizing Phencyclidine dream  
Angel wings bloom from dust  
Trembling bloody knees waiting for the leap and cracked knuckles grip the windowpane  
Your arms look so warm down below  
She can’t reach you now  
She longs to hear your voice  
She needs you now  
She longs for your touch  
Like I do  
 
             Numb yourself, it’s too late to feel alive
 
 
**Inspired by Numb Yourself by Citizen and Drugs Or Me by Jimmy Eat World
 
I’ve been on a bit of a writers block but I happened to get these songs back to back on shuffle tonight and they hit me a bit harder.