grey

"of burned down tomorrows      
& forgotten yesterdays      
     
sing with me      
of empty days"

oh how I know those days..

feeling this write..

~Raven      
     

thank you beautiful Raven sad you can relate dear one..

love Crim

" kiss the sun with empty promises "-i imagine a husband kissing his wife before work and lying about how he feels, how his heart breaks every day because he loves another and is afraid to tell her.

i like the incorporation of sparrow and hummingbirds

"the heart wants what it wants    
what if it wishes to betray you    
& leave you stranded  " -utter heart break in these lines here but so very true time and time again.my stomach turns in the most pleasant/unpleasant way lol.

this poem just reminds me of what monsters our hearts can make us
good write.

for an honest critique i would say   i'm not the biggest fan of using others quotes in my work (but in this poem it actually fits just fine and is a really good quote to sum it up,well picked)

and/or

capitalize the "M" at the beginning

possibly add more imagery to one of these two stanzas:

"turn the key    
on my grief    
it floods the Earth"

"goes down rough    
with its truth "

i've always found critiquing others work and my own a bit hard for the fact that if you change it too much you alter the memory,the very idea that inspired that beauty in the world on that write.though i do understand the striving to be a better writer overall; on that note i say it's just fine the way it is and is perfect in every messy fucked up way lol.

dearest Samuel I so look forward to your critiques it's a lost art form & you do it so well.. I love your interpretation of the first stanza..

I too don't like using quotes in my poems but it just came to me & I let it flow because it seems to sum up what the poem is about..

I understand about imagery in those lines but sadly they are how I feel bereft & colorless,,

thank you dear poet you have a keen sense of what one is trying to convey..

that damned heart..

love Crim

if it feels right,LET IT FLOW lol, i very much agree with that.

if those lines are meant to be  feel bereft & colorless  then they're perfect and needs no change.


HERE HERE!

you bring me such joy Samuel thank you dear friend & poet,,

love Crim

Beautiful one, your field of flowers are ever changing and they worship both sunlight and moon. They will bloom again and with as much beauty as ever. Their color comes from you and you are prismatic and gorgeous. In every life come rains and grey days. And in their wake grows beauty. I'm hugging you tightly and wrapping you in love, my beautiful Dark Angel, so you won't feel a chill before the sun comes out again...Willow

thank you beautiful Willow
my heart lightened
just reading your loving comment :)

I love & cherish you..

Brenda

Really beautiful images created in this. I read it and it felt grey. Not dark just grey, which is almost worse to me. Definitely evoked some pain..... at least when it’s dark, you know it’s dark. When it’s grey it’s somewhere in between which is more unsettling.....
Star xo

thank you beautiful Star for feeling & understanding my write with such depth..

love Crim

I envy the way you can cover the spectrum of love and the heart. from the brightest sunlit day to the storms that ravish the very soul. In just two writes you have taken the reader from one extreme to the other and left many thoughts in the wake, the mark of an excellent poetess.

Well done does not seem adequate, so, Bravo!

thank you graciously beautiful Teri you moved me greatly with your comment I am beaming now on what started to be quite a sad day :)

love Crim

I really feel this work probably because I have experienced such sadness :-( - this is so realistically portrayed - awesome write sweet Brenda :-)

"they carry the ash        
of burned down tomorrows        
& forgotten yesterdays"     - -  -  - wow! just wow!        

huge big Hugssss :-)

thank you dearest David only souls
such as your's will truly understand this write..

I deeply cherish your thoughts & presence
your light shines through the grey..

love & hugs..

Brenda

We must be sharing the same grey weather ... cyberhugs my dear sent your way.

thank you beautiful Dragonfly I think we must be it is a gloomy day but the beauty of your poignant write allowed me some sun thank you :)

love & hugs Crim

"spill sorrow        
& it can't be called back        
it will sprout little flowers of pain        
that cry out for their sorry state   "

Yes, very beautiful dear poetess... flows like a calm wave...
I feel this piece as well, with your lovely art of words crafted into a nice work of elegance

Love
H

thank you beautiful H for shining your light & love on my pages :)

love Crim

Powerful stuff, Lady Crim. Really struck a cord. Into the RL it goes!

thank you my Darkest Lord you honor me..

love Crim

My Beautiful Brenda...if there is one color on the wheel I would never use for you, grey would be it...you offer so much to so many with these words...company for one, knowing they are not alone in the darkness feeling the ash settle upon us...flowers will continue to bloom as you open eyes each day to spill amounts of love from your heart...

I love you passionately

yours always & forever
xoxoxox Taryn

thank you my love was just a feeling that spread over me this day & I thought to capture it in a poem.. I love the way you see me bloom & open eyes.. you gift me smiles :)

I love you passionately..

love Brenda

dam, that 3,4 and 5th stanza is so powerful and poetic, what a conveyance of grey Crim..

thank you dearest Dean it was such a powerful feeling that washed over me & the words just came.. & I named them grey..

love Crim

this is an amazing poem thank you!

thank you graciously dearest poet..

love Crim