I wish that I still knew how to cry

 

It is the time of darkness
Hatred brews like burnt coffee inside
This giving of thanks makes me sick
It only reminds me of death
Tastes like bitter regrets
I hope that this year it’s me

These days turn dark too quickly
Dead men riding mares in the night
Telling stories of grief and horror
Hit like bullets shot out from the past

Countless souls lost all around looking
To find a way back home
But among them I never find
The one who I seek, awake and in sleep
To speak to one last time, to tell him

I miss you so much, so much
Has happened on this side of alive      
Since that day in November
That fucking day you died
Did you read the letters I left you?
I folded them up neatly
In the vase for flowers at your grave

I wish you could have seen him walk
Or been there when he ran away
Maybe then things would have turned out different
Maybe I could have been consoled
Instead of trying to end my life that day

I will never forget the emptiness
My guts ripped out in a drive thru lane
Friday was a black one indeed
Sometimes I wish I had not taken that call
Then maybe things could have stayed the same