Staying Silent Molds Fantasy

You once said "saying it out loud makes it real"
I reply, staying silent forces veiled fantasy!
Hoping you will be my friend again hurts too much
The reticence in-between was painful enough
Although the not knowing felt completely unfair
The brief moment of relief while you were there
Was only an artificial injection of pleasant deception
Followed by a deep fall even further into depression
After you swiftly flew away without replying once again
Without so much as a hint of hello or goodbye to ease the pain
While in selfishness to read your heart spilled out on the page
I have ignored the feelings within that you've been going through
It is unfair to us both that I continue feeling this thing for you
So if in eighteen more days or four years and eighteen days
The time comes for an entombed friendship to be reborn
I will still be here, willing to thaw cloaked frozen emotions
But in the here and now my soul shivers transparent and alone
Wondering if a kindred spirit can exist forever on it's own
Thin ice blankets me in sheets of frost, covering your bite
I must insulate myself with lies to stop thinking of your light
I will imagine you as a figment of my muse's forbidden folly
Only then can I survive the bitter chill that aches within my bones
Be free of me so that I can be alone in my merciless misery
At least it provides consistency in the soup of my existence
I always know my bowl will be filled with the swill of emptiness
My tarnished silver spoon encrusted with dust and dried saliva
From all the meals I have imagined flowing across my tongue
Seasoned with bittersweet tears to wash down each grain of truth
That if I'm being honest will turn out to be bullshit in disguise
But what the Hell, pretending is easier than making it real