SHAMANIC SHEEPISM

 
Good Evening Friends and potential members. As Intimated some time ago I have now formed my own religion. It is called “Shamanic Sheepism” Please read the information below and join us

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF SHAMANIC SHEEPISM

1.Thou shalt not eateth of the lamb or the mutton
2. Though shall have as many Gods as you like as long as one of them is me
3. Thou shalt not take the name of any knitting pattern in vain
4. Remember your Grandma’s Christmas home knitted jumper, to keep it holy
5. Honor your father and mother for as long as they keep giving you money
6. Thou shalt not kill unless they really, really deserve it
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless you’re sure not to get caught
8. Thou shalt not steal (excludes office stationery and fast food condiments)
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness or be a witness for false bears
(They all shit in the woods)
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ass, unless it is tightly clad in hot pants


THE BAAAAER’S PRAYER

Our Baaa’er who Baaas in heaven
Dollly be thy name
Your fleece will come
Your knitting be done
On jumpers as it is in willie warmers
Give us this day our daily grass
and forgive us for trespassing
as we forgive farmers who trespass on us
Lead us not into sheep dip
But deliver us from haggis
For thine is the lamb chops, the shank and the cutlet
For ever or until the 22nd of never
Baaaaaaamen


SHEEPISM FAQ’s

Q. How much does it cost?

A. Unlike all other religions money is not important it’s free to join although we may charge you a small amount for leaving

Q. Do I have to pray?

A. No. As most thinking people will have realized, prayer is about as much use as throwing cow shit at the moon.

Q. Do I have to attend Church?

A. There is no church because there is no money. Money = church – Church = money ask any Christian

Q. Can I say “shite” and “fuck”?

A. Yes. There are no swear words in Sheepism. However the term “barbecue” is frowned upon

Q. Is there a heaven or a hell?

A. Heaven is sitting on a vibrating chair with a pepperoni pizza in one hand and an enamel bucket of spiced rum in the other, whilst watching sheep dog trials where all the accused dogs are found guilty of sheep worrying and shot by cat firing squad
Hell is being 16, working in MacDonald’s on Christmas Eve, listening to “feed the World” for the 42nd time whilst considering suicide or self harm with a griddle and a large plastic container of burger pickle

Q. Can anyone join?

A. Yes and maybe,.
Sheepism has only one discrimination – If you are stupid enough to be a member of any other organized world religion then you are too stupid to join us

Q. How do I join?
[
b]A. [/b]There is no fee. There is no guilt ridden contract of preferred behaviors. There is no Prayer to offer up to an invisible sky fairy.
There is only one act you must do in order to become a fully sheared member of the Shamanic Sheepist Order
You must Baaaaa really loudly in a public place. Shopping malls, school, funeral chapels, church meetings, weddings, basically any public gathering that would suffer maximum annoyance or embarrassment. You must send photographic / video evidence of your act to be confirmed, it’s that simple


JOIN US!
JOIN US!
JOIN US!
BAAAAAAAAAAMEN!