Taming the Ten (Beasts Within)

 
[ONE]

Caged
Twin Flames
Dysfunctional
Don’t make excuses for your drugs
I’m not having fun
Manic
Toxic from the beginning
Not ready
Inconsiderate
Warped perceptions
So sorry
Society sayyys!
But you said...

[TWO]

Cut!

Whipping and thrashing
Slicing my skin
My neck
My ribs
I can’t let it in
It will eat me alive
This fire I’ve contained
I breathe convulsively
Releasing energies
I curl into a ball
Chin tight to knees
My eyes sternly fixed
In disconcerted contortions
Poetry strikes back
Slicing away
My skin ripping
Church gone fucked me up
And I’m raging inside!
I present stability
But torture hides
Behind my eyes
Screaming cries
My heart thumps
Thumps thumps
Thumps thumps
The blood is pumping
But no one is home
She’s gone away
She’s just a ghost
She whispers now
Through this host...

[THREE]

What if I am fucked?

All these years wore a mask
I was ‘always up to the task’

Disgusted dying inside...
But happy to see you today!

Raping nightmares...
Sleep wellll!

Bloody hell...

Fuck you

[FOUR]

and I step back into
reality very soon

or maybe
it was hours after this...

that thought alone
can be

a bit scary
losing track...

[FIVE]

Except tomorrow comes
And I’m almost passing out
Because I haven’t been sleeping
I’ve been living on stimulants
And I haven’t been eating
Meals replaced with cigarettes
Muscles cramping from straining
To continue their daily tasks

While I hide in the dark
And face my own nightmares
I choose to lose sleep and to starve
If it means I can work through this
Fucked up scenario in my head
That speaks in double standards
Confusing and questioning

Doubts abound from his preaching
The sermon told of his glory
I fall but not at his majesty
At his travesty he proclaims
I am left in his chains
They were there all along
Thought he had changed his ways

But the fucking truth is a cyclone
Cannot lean in its wake
I can see it so clearly
And I’ll have to be brave
If I’m to stray from his side
Paranoia be doused in the day
When the lights are all bright
And he cannot dim or downplay

But I cannot even sneak away!
Live in fear of his wake
Live in fear in his cage
He doesn’t even have a key
I stay very well trained
So scared to try to speak up
Scared he was right all along
Self-ashamed, I will look away
Please don’t look into my eyes
Please save me from his lies
Please tell me he is lying
Shake my cage
Wake me up
From this underground haze
I think clear now for days
Piercing every breath that I heave...

[SIX]

more...

sleepless nights
moon in the sky

passing time
ticks slowly by

I see... a sea
a sea of clouds

just when you think
you’re ready

but then
once again...

[SEVEN]

He awoke in a hurry
Pulse racing to parry
His escalations I queried
Only stoking the flames of his guile
While the pot boils over, lights a fire!
Fists of temper strike the walls
Screams left echoing down the halls...
Lost his wits in swearing fits
Manifests his rage into my cage
Taking it further each time
Speaking in only black and white
So I must lie and abide
No matter contemplating suicide
Living ghost in my wake
Hearts a flurry for days...

No one sees what happens here
Behind our closed doors

Behind my closed eyes
Lying awake long nights

Feels like sometimes...

Why do I even try?

[EIGHT]

exhausted, I reach out into
the deep seas of emotions blue
night bird calls to me
come, be free...
but there’s an empty cage
the ghost finally slipped away
sometime in the night
into the moonlit skies
starry eyed
tear-glazed eyes
staring holes
through
my ceiling

and all I feel is
an exasperated... WHY??

[NINE]

And finally, I can cry...

stifled still though
shaking breath is breaking
around my hand-muted mouth
silent screams echo
in this cave
this small space
between my fingers
hollow and open
tears stream down my face
and history repeats this disgrace
as I wake the next day
and return to the pace

[TEN]

SO FUCKING ALONE!!!