When I wasn't, was I nothing?

   
   
I do not remember when I wasn't    
   
What I am doing right this instant or that instant a minute ago, or last month, or even next month, is nothing more than killing time, waiting for this question to be answered. And it matters not how any of us kill this time, it can be spent on your IPod texting friends, out in the yard playing with your children or watching your favorite television program. It can be sitting in a doctor's office while awaiting your turn, though at these times I feel we're killing time by killing time. However we chose to kill time while being in a state of consciousness is but a matter of choice. Theories abound in regards to this question. Some say they have found the answer, but I argue perhaps they have found their answer, but not mine. Some claim they've been there and back, yet they have failed to prove this to be true, at least to my accepting of it.    
   
If you have read this far and you're thinking, I'm wasting time reading this, then here's something else to kill time thinking about. Wasting time is a misnomer. One can not waste time. Just because you have spent your portion of time doing something you felt could have been spent doing something else is not wasting time. Everything on this earth, in this galaxy and beyond shares the same moment in time. I used this time writing this. To me it was not wasted. We each used it as our way to kill time, me perhaps more foolish than you.    
   
Perhaps I'll sit down, open a beer, or have a glass of wine while I reread what I have typed here, checking for mistakes or editing it's content. Just another way for me to kill more time.    
   
I have now reached the point in my life that I no longer fear death, and I say this with as much honesty as I am capable. It is the way death comes to me that I fear in some ways, what I have left behind unfinished and my loved ones' fate once I am gone. The first two I have some control over, even the latter to some extent. But, the fact of being dead does not scare me. In my mind being dead can be no worse than a dreamless sleep from which I may or may not ever awaken.    
   
My deepest fear is when the time comes for my answers to be revealed and I will once know is: Will I even remember the question.