I need a new way

A new day
A new appointment
A new drug
A "new" way
To fix my cluttered head
To make sure I don't end dead
A new day
A new doctor
A new drug
A "new" way
To make me feel something
Or altogether nothing
To stop my head from reeling
To moderate the feeling
A new day
A new appointment
A new drug
A "new" way
To take the gun from my hand
And replace with amber vials and their sticker band
It reads what I know as my name
But in that name all I feel is shame
I have no idea who I am anymore
But what they tell me is 'a little further more'
A new day
A new appointment
A new drug
A "new" way
Fuck I'm going nuts again
Maybe I was never sane to begin
Sanity was never my friend
Bend break mend, break mend
They said I used too many little white bars
Because things got too hard
I just wanted to feel nothing for a bit
A minute, an hour, a day, so I took a hit
A new day
A new appointment
A new drug
A "new" way
I just want to feel brand new
Molecules rearranged a whole new you!
Up the strength take the pills
Think of them not as valleys but as hills!
The doctor smiles sweetly at me
Tells me this is who I'll be!
A zombie of my former self take my brain
These pills will take your pain!
She says she knows, 'my daughter has a mental illness'
This isn't an illness; it's a disease, lady, taking is its wish
A new day
A new appointment
A new drug
A "new" way
Write down your hopes they say!
Keep a bullet journal every day!
That doesn't work for me, I'm sorry
I keep my thoughts private so my mother doesn't worry
I take the new script, and drink in hiding
Make my mother think I'm abiding
I check the warnings, do not mix with alcohol
'Fuck it' I say, grab a beer, and walk down the hall
Do it all in silence, they'll think I'm fine
As I steal another bottle of wine
I want what the doctor is selling,
Happiness at its finest, till then I'm not telling
A new day
A new appointment
A new drug
I need a new way