COME TO FACE THE BEASTS WITHIN  May 1990; Night of new, BIG swell', 'Rio Nexpa', north of Zihuatanejo

 

mexico  
the stage  
is set  
again  
for golden  
opportunity  
a private challenge  
awaits  
to face  
not just the beasts  
of waves    
nor swell  
but rather those  
of self  
hid  long held  
so deep within  
alas  
the matador of mind  
returned  
has come again  
to meet once more  
himself  
to face  
to overcome  
his egos  
darkest fears  
to test and prove  
to he himself  
and no one else  
his mettle  
that he  
beyond all doubts  
in fearless glory  
can  
but will he  
be prepared  
and clear enough  
to conquer  
all those old  
stone cold fears  
which still  
cling  
to him inside  
will he be  
relaxed enough  
for harmony  
for grace and flow  
to find  
their way  
into his skillful  
heart honed dance  
transcendently  
through confidence  
from his passionate  
excitement  
alone  
to embrace  
the heroic tests  
innermost rewards  
glorious gift  
of overcoming self  
and so much  
more  
which cant  
be said  
nor fully known  
until he rides  
his flying sword  
into and through  
the raging  storm like  
open throats  
of these epic  
heaving beasts  
that wait to greet  
and eat him  
that come rolling in  
in relentless  
crashing droves  
rising up  
pitching out  
one after the other  
from off  
the roaring  
crashing thunder  
of a marauding sea  
which speak  
of other  unseen  
inner challenges  
of even deeper  
subconscious fears  
that dare  
a truer part  
of me  
beyond my frozen  
egoic minds  
crippled  paralyzed  
blind lack  
of belief  
that it can  
find and take  
heart enough  
to fearlessly chase  
catch and dance  
with mindless  
unbridled joy  
its own most radiant  
blissful path  
of transcendent liberation  
amidst the awesome  
raw  fluid power  
which calls to me  
beckoning  
here now  
even yet  
so mysteriously  
to release my  
too long kept  
and clung to  
perpetually  
holding me at bay  
greatest enemy  
of inner weakness  
self defeatist psychology  
whose thoughts  
and limb locking  
doubts  
still continue  
to gnaw at me  
throughout this restless  
sleepless nights  
slow but fleeting  
slippage  
now here am i  
with only  
this nights  
brief  fretful veil  
keeping me from  
fast creeping dawns  
soon to rise suns  
final  inescapable  
self reckoning  
as i lie here now  
in my palapa strung  
sleepless hammock  
still filled  
to the gills  
with my frail  
haunted hopes  
increasingly feeling  
the weight  
of every passing  
naked minute  
preceding  
the too soon  
to come  
new risen sun  
from whence  
there is no more  
running away  
hiding  
nor escape  
from this crucible  
of truth  
in part    
i came here for  
and now at last  
must bring myself  
to face once more  
after so many  
years  decades ago  
when this raw  
telling challenge  
of innermost faith  
i last faced  
and succeeded  
in both harnessing  
and overcoming  
my deepest  hardest  
heaviest fears  
of and between  
both physically dying  
and flying  
although it now seems  
ive completely lost  
the knack  
for getting my mind  
and heart  
back over that  
crippling    
psychological hurdle  
back into that  
confident head space  
once more  
where now here  
in this forthcoming  
tomorrow  
i know  
i soon must arise  
to approach  
with steely resolve  
or not approach  
at all  
the ground shaking  
thunderous  crashing thrones  
of ancient  
ocean kings returned  
to test  
and fully measure  
my salt and worthiness  
as both a man  
and lifetime surfer  
but when i  
step out  
onto that waiting shore  
to reface  
my moment of truth  
will i tremble  
like the ground  
and seek some rock  
under which  
to crawl  
and hide  
or with heart full  
of fearless    
life force strength  
make and take  
my way and place  
out amongst  
the massive  fluid  
rolling lines  
moving walls  
of marching swells  
rhythmic energy and power  
to freely fly  
and sing anew  
this deep blue  
faith of mine  
only times  
inevitable approach  
even as i write  
will tell  
the answer  
will be written  
on tomorrows page  
for worries candle  
now burns too low  
yet still  
i know  
i ll hear that  
voice  
inside my head  
here  
all night long  
but all i can  
do here now  
from this  
point on  
is to try my best  
to just let go  
and rest  
through what  
littles left  
of this restless  
night  
even as i continue  
to hear and feel  
the rhythmic  
crashing thunder  
of this sudden  
night come swell  
and quitely wonder  
as i  at last  
surrender  
to my uncertain fate  
just what more  
i ll come to do  
to learn  
and know  
about myself  
manana