deepundergroundpoetry.com
7:35
son stirs in bedroom;
squirrels scurry, the birds chirp,
steel beasts wheeze engines
awake; mother shushes pet,
voicing more noise than she stills
squirrels scurry, the birds chirp,
steel beasts wheeze engines
awake; mother shushes pet,
voicing more noise than she stills
Published 15th Oct 2017
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15th Oct 2017 8:34pm
Very brief, but your wording is extraordinary. "Steel beasts wheeze engines" while Mom is "voicing more noise than she stills." A rude awakening but a fine little poem.
thank you for the comment. to be honest, i wasn't completely sold on the wording; the tanka structure doesn't leave much room to branch out and using "wheeze" transitively felt a little weird. but i think if it were longer, it might've taken away more than it'd have added. so, i really appreciate the vote of confidence
16th Oct 2017 1:41pm
Anonymous
- Edited 22nd Feb 2020 6:45am
15th Sep 2019 5:29pm
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