deepundergroundpoetry.com
Ripped
Displacement pains jerk on her joints, since he peaced out.
And her life gapes in the wake.
A stomach flu purging provisions, she coasts on nausea waves.
Cold sweating carries too, anemic wobbles.
She's not the sort of woman to deprive herself.
Nor, one on which frailty befits.
So unlike ladies blessed with bird shoulders, where bra straps hintingly slip;
Hers broadly, boldly, bare all manner of bullshit.
And her freckled baltic skin doesn't gracefully abide pallor.
Heartbreak hit when he stole away Egyptian sheets,
Solacing, soothing, sensual spectators...
To the other woman's.
Along with her appetite.
The current conditions carve out the curving of her collar bones,
And when the queasiness heaves - she lurches.
Over a sink where bits of his beard hair still cling.
And her life gapes in the wake.
A stomach flu purging provisions, she coasts on nausea waves.
Cold sweating carries too, anemic wobbles.
She's not the sort of woman to deprive herself.
Nor, one on which frailty befits.
So unlike ladies blessed with bird shoulders, where bra straps hintingly slip;
Hers broadly, boldly, bare all manner of bullshit.
And her freckled baltic skin doesn't gracefully abide pallor.
Heartbreak hit when he stole away Egyptian sheets,
Solacing, soothing, sensual spectators...
To the other woman's.
Along with her appetite.
The current conditions carve out the curving of her collar bones,
And when the queasiness heaves - she lurches.
Over a sink where bits of his beard hair still cling.
Published 18th Sep 2017
| Edited 19th Sep 2017
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likes 3
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comments 5
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
18th Sep 2017 11:57pm
This is gutwrenching, AtoMikOne.
One suggestion to rid yourself of the " Like " in the below simile. . .semi after wake and lose Like.
And her life gapes in the wake;
a stomach flu purging provisions, she coasts on nausea waves.
One suggestion to rid yourself of the " Like " in the below simile. . .semi after wake and lose Like.
And her life gapes in the wake;
a stomach flu purging provisions, she coasts on nausea waves.
19th Sep 2017 00:57am
26th Nov 2017 10:51pm
i felt there were images that made this poem less exciting. my favorite lines are "Egyptian sheets, / Solacing, soothing, sensual spectators..."
26th Nov 2017 11:10pm
Expound on that? :)
This one is really unlike a lot of my stuff. I'm interested to hear what people think about it.
This one is really unlike a lot of my stuff. I'm interested to hear what people think about it.
