Ladies First

I still think of you
I still hate you
Everything that we went through
Was it supposed to make me stronger?
Because I've sat beneath this cascade of grief for nearly a decade
Obeyed the voice that resides... "it's all your fault... and you will never be good enough"
Though I cannot say what led you astray
I know, that day was supposed to happen
Now I am not a man of god, fate, or karma
But it was decided by fire
And I'm still burning...

I'm still burning within from the pitch you doused my heart in
Smoldering from the thought of your betrayal
Ignited by each pressing wave
Saddened watching the embers float away
Consumed by fits of random rage
Though we are not together, there is still a toll I must pay
And I paid it with my sanity
When you came back and sat with me in the soot..
Knowing what you had done

I swore to you... that we'd make it
I begged you... to take me back for your mistake
I tried... but in my dizzy mind I couldn't forget
What you regret, or come to grips the fact you spat in loves face
Now, I'm not going to say I was perfect, I made my mistakes
But... Ladies first

I threw your shit outside more than once... I admit that
I ran 6 states away to make sure I'd never take you back
But I loved you... so much more than I love myself
And I always came back... the same way you did
The same way you kept those fucking flowers...
The withered petals of a bouquet of roses I bought for valentines...
Nothing could symbolize what we had together better
Something dead that we wouldn't let go

So the torture continued for 6 years
6 years I stole from you...
But it wasn't for nothing
In this time you gave me everything that I needed
And I needed the time to pass more than anything...
My love had to grow, and I needed to be a humble man by then
We met

She was nineteen and I was twenty-four
Oh how I adored her quirkiness
She is the light of all lights, the seraph in my life
My dreams came true our first night
No storm or cloud, metaphorical or not
Could stop the growth in my heart...
As it metastasized to the rest of my life
Oh the strife had finally subsided
Bring forth the light

You made your mark, but she saved my life
I can't seem to forgive you, but I wouldn't have her...
If not for your mistake